#this is literally a really general description of a story I’m reading lol

[delilaha]

Midnight Snakes

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Ponyboy wakes up in the middle of the night starving, and when he goes into the kitchen for a snack, he finds an unwelcome guest.

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Hi everyone! This is my first post on Tumblr. You can find more of my works on ao3, wattpad, and ff.net where I’ve posted a lot of other things (usernames are in the description). Unfortunately, if anyone here recognizes me from ao3, i’m currently on a 30 day suspension because of a requests page (which i literally took down in july) that wasn’t allowed to be up because it wasn’t an actual story. So i decided to start posting here as well! Everything i post will be put up on ao3 eventually, though <3

Also a little later on in the story there will be descriptions of a snake being killed so if you don't like reading that type of stuff (or just snakes in general) you probably shouldn't read this lol

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When Ponyboy woke up in the middle of the night in his pitch black bedroom, the first thing he processed was the ravaging hunger in his stomach. And it wasn't the type of hunger you'd feel when you're just simply hungry after a long, few hours of not eating. It was that sharp, stabbing pain in your abdomen that makes it feel like something is about to explode if you don't get your hands on something edible in three seconds.

So Pony clambered out of bed, being careful not to wake Sodapop in the process, who was snoring away. He put his hands out in front of him, trying to avoid anything that he could bump into on the way to the door because his eyes hadn't adjusted yet and the room around him was still completely dark. He felt his way to the door and opened it slowly, slipping through the doorway because he knew if he opened it too much it would let out a loud creak and wake up the whole house. He shut it tightly when he got to the other side, satisfied when he didn't notice Soda's snores wavering.

Ponyboy then walked down the hallway, rather fast for someone who just climbed out of bed a minute ago. He cringed when he stepped on a creaky floorboard, squeezing his eyes shut and saying a quick silent prayer that it wasn't too loud. But Soda could sleep through a tornado if he was allowed, and it's not like Darry would crucify him if he caught Pony up looking for a snack. But they all know how grumpy he gets when somebody wakes him up when he doesn't need to be awake. It's almost funny really, and Soda and Pony love to tease him in the morning for it. But not so much in the moment.

He continued moving when he didn't hear anyone stir, sharply turning around the corner and into the kitchen, ready to feast on the first thing he could get his hands on.

Then, through the dim light of the kitchen, his eyes landed on the toaster. And suddenly, the thing Pony was really craving was toast. Something short to make and not necessarily loud either. Perfect!

Ponyboy walked over to the counter and pulled out two pieces of white bread from the little bag, placing them haphazardly on the countertop. He went to grab the toaster with two hands, to bring it out more from where it was pushed more towards the wall, when suddenly, his fingers grazed something that seemed to be coiled behind it. For a split second, he thought it was just the plug and was about to pull it out farther, until from the corner of his eye he saw the actual plug laying to the side of it through the darkness of the room, nearly falling off the edge of the counter.

This set off a million different alarms in his still sleepy mind, and he ripped his hands back immediately. Pony didn't feel anything move, but he swore he felt the scaley, thin tail of... something. He didn't even want to think about the possibilities of snakes right now. So instead, took two apprehensive steps to the side closer to the wall, and reached a little bit behind him to flick the light switch on.

He blinked rapidly to let his eyes adjust as light flooded the room, and caught sight of the toaster. It looked so innocent just sitting there on the counter, but he could've sworn there was something hiding behind it. After all, this wouldn't be the first time they've found scaly creatures in the house, especially around this time of year. But even then, it was usually just a common house gecko that sprints away at the speed of light if you even went near it. Ponyboy silently pleaded that it was just his imagination just playing tricks on him as he inched back towards the toaster, planning to snatch it away to reveal whatever's behind it.

When Pony stopped he was still relatively far from the counter, his arms elongated just enough to grasp the front sides of the toaster. He took a deep breath, and held onto it tighter, a little more at ease when he didn't see anything shoot out from behind it.

But that pinch of calm washed down the drain in an instant when he pulled away the toaster to reveal a dark brown colored snake, coiled in on itself. And huge, at that, despite the fact it was curled into a ball. Ponyboy just stood there and stared at it for a second as it lay unmoving, and he wondered, hoped even, if it could be dead. But all of the sudden, the toaster plug smacked the ground as it fell off the counter completely, causing the snake's head to shoot up from where it was buried in itself, and Pony flinched so hard he practically jumped.

'It's awfully ugly,' he thought as it stared at him for a second that felt like hours, its black, beady eyes, unblinking and unmoving. But obviously it woke up and chose violence because it quickly opened its mouth to bare its fangs and hiss, showing off the white of its mouth. Oh, God. A Cottonmouth.

Ponyboy dropped the toaster with a loud bang and let out a short, shrill yell when the snake's head snapped forward a few times, chomping it's jaw down as if it were imagining to be biting down on Pony's flesh.

In seconds, stumbling could be heard from one of the bedrooms, probably Darry's. His bedroom door slammed open and his heavy footsteps came running down the hallway. He practically skidded into the kitchen, hair tousled from sleep and muscles tense expecting to find an intruder. But instead, he found his baby brother shaking in his boots with the toaster at his feet, staring at something Darry couldn't see from where he was positioned.

"My God, Pony, what happened? It's three in the morning, what are you doing-" Darry began to lecture him, but cut himself short when he saw the limbless spawn of satan on the counter.

"Holy shit," Darry muttered under his breath, grabbing Pony's shoulder and taking him back a few steps.

"I was up looking for a snack and I found it behind the toaster... I'm sorry I woke you up," Ponyboy told him, voice shaking slightly and eyes blown wide, still fixed on the snake.

"Just.. okay, just stay put." Darry said, raking his hand through his hair. Pony nodded and started to chew on his fingernails, watching as Darry tried to inch past the snake to cupboards under the sink where the pots and pans were held. But the snake striked again, narrowly missing his forearm after it silently slithered to the edge of the countertop when he went to reach for the knob to open it.

This caused Darry to screech and fall back onto the ground, something that would've been funny if they weren't facing a deadly predator. The noise scared Pony out of his skin and caused him to scream too, possibly louder than the first time, as Darry scrambled to his feet, nearly tripping over the stupid toaster that was still on the ground. He grabbed Pony by the shoulder and dragged both of them back a few feet, watching as the snake slithered around the countertop.

Just as soon as they were back a safer distance, the familiar sound of a bedroom door slammed open and footsteps ran down the hall.

"What's going on?" Soda exclaimed, darting into the kitchen pretty quickly for someone who probably woke up literally ten seconds ago.

"There's a damn snake that nearly bit my arm off," Darry said, pointing to the snake on the countertop, the other hand splayed out in front of Ponyboy to keep him away from it. Darry looked away for one second to meet Soda's face, when suddenly, Pony let out a gasp.

"Look!" He said, pointing at the snake, which was starting to make its way off the countertop, half of its body dangling off the side. Darry whipped his head back to see the snake staring right at them, a murderous look in its small, black eyes, and its pink tongue sticking out every few seconds.

Darry was about to give up, he figured he could just hole him and his brothers up in his room for the night and call some guy to find it and kill it in the morning, until Soda shouted "I got it!" from behind them.

He was just hardly able to get him and Pony out of the way before all of a sudden, a random, white dinner plate was flung through the air and hit the snake head on. Glass shattered everywhere and the snake flopped to the ground instantly. They stood around in silence for a second, watching to see if the snake would make another move, but luckily it never did.

"Well, you're welcome," Soda spoke, posing with his hands on his hips like he just saved a baby from a burning building.

"Jeez, Soda, don't you think that was a little violent?" Pony asked, crouching down where the remains of the glass plate and snake lay, Darry following in suit.

"What? It was a quick death. Plus, he was threatening us." Sodapop said matter-of-factly, shrugging his shoulders.

"You still hungry?" Darry asked, flicking away a piece of snake carcass that was on the floor and smirked at Ponyboy, who grimaced and shook his head immediately.

No, he was definitely not hungry at all anymore.

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[fangdokja]

Hey, this just me getting mind blocked right now. Haha. But, i just wanted to thank all the supporters, engagement, and followers thus far. You know who you are.

Actually, I’ve been wanting to practice sex scenes for a while now. I do have upcoming posts. Last part of Skin of the Saint is one with explicit sex will be posted TODAY. But I wouldn’t classify it as smut.

I don’t know. I don’t get turned on or aroused in literally anything besides my husband. So. Writing actual smut is a challenge. Actually, in writing and reading, if it’s not about my husband or God, I get very clinical in general. Hard to feel emotions of anything at all really.

My Christmas and New Years gifts for you guys also have sex stuff in it. Honestly don’t know if it’s good or not.

It’s really my first time releasing actual sex content in public. So yeah.

But anyways, I’m rambling because I know Tumblr loves sex. And porn to an extension. That’s an understatement. Tumblr loves it.

But my husband and God are really strict about me not allowing me to get into erotica.

So.

But I can write dark romance. Definitely. It’s what I’ve been doing.

So, I guess, I’m trying to think on stuff about how to incorporate smut practice (complete with both emotions + atmosphere + descriptions and more).

Without making it straight up erotica (dark romance can still have explicit sex scenes). So I thought of some upcoming fics:

Yandere! Serial Killers x Detective (?) Reader (novella)

Yandere! Fans x Playgirl (novelette)

When I looked up ideas for smut, I honestly never vibed nor liked the top stories that came up. Just felt unrealistic and shallow. And I am NOT allowed to write porn. So…

Yeah. It’s why I have to incorporate hardcore psychological content. And a common theme in all my works.

One of my main issues right now is that I can’t fricking think of how to write short form content. If you noticed I have a lot of slow burn sex.

It doesn’t feel right for fast burn sex, you know? But I think it’s just me, unlike my husband, I have like zero to low libido in general. I can honestly go without anything sexual.

ANYWAYS. I’m not sure on how to make short form content on sex. I don’t want it to just be porn or non sensical shallow smut. It’s not just about kinks like dumbification. Not only is it boring for me to write something without actual tension, but it doesn’t feel REAL.

“If I Can’t Have You” by Deathsdoll did really well in descriptions and suspenseful tension in Chapters 1 to 12. I didn’t like the rest, fell off for me. But the start is golden. Really good.

Not only is it non con but it has intense sex, but more than that, the “actual sexual and violence or death tension” is there.

So I’m trying to think on how to combine sex + psychological into short form stories. Most stories seen are just shallow sex or kinks or whatever. I won’t deny that they’re good at descriptions to a certain degree.

But, not my thing. To me, it’s just fantasies as usual. I like my work grounded on some realism or at least dystopian dark setting and themes.

For my writing style, I never write “Oh, they banged hallelujah.” Actually anything I write won’t feel right without the psychological aspect into it.

Most people are fine with turning off the brain and fantasizing or masturbating (have never done both), but me writing and even reading it? No.

To me, without the danger factor or some uncomfortable unsettling factor. Sex is just reproduction. Or biological processes. That’s honestly how I see it.

Anyways.

Sorry, I’m rambling. Before my husband, I was never interested in romance, much less sex actually lol.

Anyways. Again.

My issue is SHORT FORM SEXUAL CONTENT. Ahhhh. Without the burn, it doesn’t feel right. It feels wrong. I’m okay with fast burn romance but not fast burn sex. I can read about it.

Doesn’t mean I like it.

I am mind blocked in this aspect.

And honestly my husband is right. Again. I’m severely overthinking again. I should just talk to God and him, aahh.

Ok enough rambling….. back to upcoming books….

I guess you could say, this post is a thank you to all the supporters so far, and also my writing process. And future plans.

I haven’t posted anything explicitly sexual yet because I want to debut my first sex content for my gifts to you guys.

Both stories may stay dark romance or can even become erotic horror (a genre I’m also allowed to write) or become just inherently psychosexual as well. Not sure yet.

But the Forbidden Fruits is meant to combine taboo and psychological.

And yes. Both are reverse harem stories.

Or maybe you guys just want the short form content i’m brainstorming and trying to figure out.

Either way, your opinions and thoughts are welcomed.

[ramonathinks]

5 Husbands by @kingkonoha review contains spoilers under the read more

playlist of a lot of songs that i think fit the vibe of my reading experience and what i felt matched up with the story

Playlist: crack rock by frank ocean, dreamer and valentine by laufey, when im in your arms by cleo sol, ophelia by pinkpatherress, daydream by Ariana Grande, miss romantic by cleo sol, fall in by Esperanza spalding, rain by fauna hues, slow motion by karina pasian, sunshine cleo sol, k by cigarettes after sex, used to love by chloe x Halle, sunset by the internet, pain is inevitable by daniel caesar (fawk him), cinnamon girl by lana del rey , let me know by winona oak, lost by frank ocean, butterfly by corinne bailey rae, piano song by eryn allen kane, float by fauna hues, how does it make you feel by Victoria monet, ivy by frank ocean, step on me by the cardigans, sad girl by lana del rey, wet by dazey and the scouts, frank’s ballad (wiseman) by Alex mankoo, who gets your love by margie joseph, what it is, between the cheats, will you still love me tomorrow, the girl from ipanema by amy winehouse the entirety of amy winehouse back to black album, take the box by amy winehouse

General Review:

Just wow. I did in fact spend like all day reading this and I do not regret it and even though it’s not done… this is literally a 5/5 read. Firstly the way that my baby Tay writes is so phenomenal and the depictions of the relationships and the amount of emotions and thought they she puts throughout the story makes everything so worth it. I really felt so attached to the characters and the overall story like i didn’t care how long the chapters were because i was so interested in the world she build and the CHARACTERS. Like it just keeps getting better and better; the amount of drama and messy that kept me on my toes every chapter. I cannot wait for the next chapter. The amount of stuff that went down in this fic and the route it’s going down idek how she got the life depicted in the first chapter because it’s shit happening every second like whew. I literally got so emotional reading this especially the more recent chapters because my heart hurtssss for reader so bad and it’s just so much strain on her and idgaf that’s my girl! I support women’s wrongs and she got a lot of them but that’s my baby like omg!

Now let’s delve in to my reactions ofc 🙈

CHAPTER 1: okay so obsessed with the fact that reader has a daughter firstly. The way you describe reader’s relationship and the dynamic she has with Armin and even the shift to his pov was very seamless and perfectoooo. The way you got in his head and i feel immersed inside of his thoughts about her and i just thought it was really well written and so beautifully executed. “Being with you but not truly being with you was like having an itch that begged to be scratched.” Like that line right there? It burneddd me and make me feel for him and overall i got invested. Can I add that Armin working in a bakery was very on par with his character lol? Like i love it. Your description of anything is very addicting as well let me add, im a sucker for details so i loved it. I was cheesing DOWN during their moments and when he took her to their childhood hangout place and the hold “date” bit came up and the “but even so, the implication of romance with him felt as natural as breathing.” Likeeee omg i was blushing. “I was always planning on leaving, but…not without you.” Oh that moved me like bad. I’m a sucker for childhood friends to lovers and hearing them reminiscing and just wanting to move out of where they are to make a lifeee was so good. “Since when was he ever so lucky? Since when did fate decide to show him a little bit of pity and mercy? The universe had taken everything from him before he was even old enough to know how to spell the word “universe.”” UGHH you’re killing meeee. And then armin’s backstory stop 😞😞😞. WHEN ARMIN SAID HE WANTED TK MARRY HERRRR OH MY HEART like 😭 crying omg!! Munch Armin Agenda >>>>

Mikasa Cameo yesss. Armin sending reader money 🥲🥲 even though he’s literally going through it ugh, my loveee. The proposal and reader finally getting her steak & lobster please love that for themmmm. Eren… pmo!! … “What they loved more, however, was the fact that he never took his eyes off of you the entire time.” 😄😄😁😁 oh okayyy, don’t know who im rooting for after eren two second cameo. “Nowadays, you had seen more of him than your own husband, and that broke your heart into pieces.” Naurrrrr 🥲 please… ““Is it ‘cause we’re all alone, baby?”” Eren… ERENNN R YOU KIDDING ME MOVEEE like moveee “Can’t control yourself when it’s just us, can you?” MOVEEE

“If you were with me, you’d only be making money for yourself. No one else, baby. It’ll take you wherever you wanna go, buy you whatever want, fuck you however you want. You’d like that, right?” OH FAUK YEWWW, but … omg that’s sexy like please don’t piss me off😭😭

OH FAWK HERR??? FAWK HER MY GODDESSS IS READER SERIOUS RN?? FAWK HER SO BAD FOR THIS IDC

CHAPTER 2: “It was an indisputable fact; scientists measured the elements of his face and declared the handsome man as the literal definition of physical perfection.” Oh that ate !

Eren defending reader yesss #RealMan . “Still though, it’s Eren. Same man who took you away from the person you’re writing about. There’s no way he’d be okay with this.” Jean clocked her im sorry LMAOO??

“You were more than just a pretty face. You were more than just a lovely voice. You were a distraction.” Real… so real.

“You’re such a damn jerk,” Jean snapped. “You can’t take everything you want like you rule the goddamn world, Eren. You stole her away from her ex-husband, but no one’s allowed to steal her away from you, right? Not until you get tired of her and move on to someone else?” CLOCKED LMAKDKA CAUSE WHY WAS I LITERALLY THINKING THE SAME THING LIKE PLEASE MOVE LMAOOO

“Is it true that your ex-husband pushed for your success? And you left him for Eren Yeager?” JEAN MIGHT AS WELL THAT BEEN THE ONE TO ASK THAT BECAUSE INTREEVIEWER CLOCKEDSD HER ! Marriage 😞 please move ��🏾 why they just pissed me off. J-JEAN ! SIR!!

“Well now, Sarah, there is the possibility that she could have been having an affair! She did leave her first husband for Eren. Who’s to say that she wouldn’t leave Eren for someone else?” THEY CLOCKING HER 😭😭😭😭😭😭 back to back!

Reader locking down all the munches like that’s queen right there! “It was the first time you had ever slept next to him without his arms wrapped around you.” 😞😞 and Jean leaving the band omg… Levi so real lmaoooo

JEAN SO MESSY??? EREN COMING OMG?? EREN ACTUALLY BEING THEREEE OH MY GOSH PLEASE MOVE!!! “But, apparently, all of it was stupid. He felt stupid as he stood there, watching his best friend kiss and touch you. He felt stupid as he thought about the day he proposed to you. He felt stupid as he thought about how much he loved you.” Naur… MY GOSH READER SO ??? she done pissed me off!

CHAPTER 3:

Mikasa clocking her 😁😁🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ karma x3 and “i want him back” and “that’s not the same thing” LMAOO CLOCKED! LIKE GOT HER

“I didn’t even know that Eren was there! He was avoiding me for weeks a-and said he wasn’t gonna show up. I fucked up, I know that, but he stopped speaking to me. Stopped looking at me. He acted like I didn’t exist…and I was fucking lonely.” She kinda ate idk she back to winning me over. FAWK EREN 😭😭😭

Levi…is he crazy telling her to come with him?? 😭😭😭 like he finna get fucked up about her too is he MAD? “You’ve fooled around with three guys back to back. It’s a little hard to tell which one of them you like the most.” FUCK CLOCKED HER SKSJSK ?? “You’re a homeless woman who’s sleeping at her manager’s house because she cheated on a famous rockstar with his bandmate.” Levi it’s 10am in the morning 😭😭😭😭 please chill. “Last thing I need is for the public to start making rumors about us.” He so damn funny lmaoo

“Yes. Men like Eren and Jean took pure advantage of your naiveness. If you ask me, you should have been the one doing the punching. Don’t sit back and let them walk all over you.” Okayy Annie period queen.

“The singer with more failed relationships than original songs.” 😭😭😭 i be giggling down like the industry is clocking herrrrr bad

Annie and Sasha correct actually 🤷🏽‍♀️ coming from the uno champ myself. “Did I just make you laugh? And smile?” 👀 he better relaxxx he see the reader effect !

Not even divorced and literally got a meeting and kissing on Reiner like 😭 is she mad??

CONNIEEEE??? I AINT EVEN PWEP

“Gonna punch me too? Try it. Go ahead. Do it, and let’s see what fucking happens.” CLOCKED! Lmaoooo

Hickey… why i already knew something like that was gonna go down. Broke my baby heart omg 😞!

“If you loved him, you wouldn’t have cheated on him. If you loved me, you wouldn’t have left me. So you’re still fucking lying.” Armin just came back and clocking her lmaoooooo “I think it’s easier for you to act like you’ve never cared about anyone than it is to take responsibility for your actions. It’s less painful to pretend that you’re completely the victim in this situation than it is to accept that you broke my heart. Eren and Jean’s heart as well. I’m not saying that anyone is in the right or wrong, but I know you. I know you loved me, even if it was just a little bit.” Tea… like girl it’s okay.

CHAPTER 4:

Connie is crazyyy 😭😭? “You know your life is in my hands” & “don’t make me do some easy shit” OHH he crazy

Marco…. Yo?? And they wondering why Connie went mad like be serious.

Arminnn, glad to see he okayish. “You never thought he’d use it on you.” Welllll?? The love of his life fucked him over 😭😭😭 um be serious.

“I love you, and I understand what money and influence can do to a person, but I just miss you. I miss the old you, the person who made everyone laugh during card games and didn’t treat everyone like garbage.” 🙂🙂🙂 ohhh he clocked her this like one of the worst ones.

“No ordinary human being enjoyed the realization that they had changed for the worse. It felt like your insides were twisting up, as if the old version of yourself was begging to come out, buried underneath this new, shallow, perfect celebrity.” ☹️☹️☹️ nooo queenie.

“You’re so in love with Hollywood now, I didn’t think you’d come at all if I told you the truth.” 😟😟 oh um! this is crazy to say ?? why even invite her at all lmaoo??

Reiner’s place is so lived in and loved around like your description really got me cause I can feel it all around and buzzing so lively whew i felt home! Reiner is EXACTLY the type of man who would bring you to meet the family and to propose so i smiledddd because yes just yes!

Jean messy as HELL! THE BREAK IN IS CRAZY AND HER JUST ASSUMING ITS ARMIN

HER SUCKING LEVI IS CRAZY???? MARRIED FOR HALF A SECOND IS SHE MAD?? LEAKED PHOTOS AND ALL THAT IS CRAZY AFTER THE BREAK IN OMG??? 😭😭😭 she cannot catch a break, she been famous for like maybe 2 years what is her problem.

CHAPTER 5:

ARMIN AND EREN GETTING JUMOED BY CONNIE MEN IS SO INSANEEEE. Levi OKAYYY king shitttt yesss. Why is Connie so messy?? Why is he trying to ruin her like omg…

“Y/N’s the only client you give a damn about now. You don’t even give a damn about yourself. Your life is ruined, and yet, here you are, worrying about her.” CLOCKED LMAOO?? JEAN BE CLOCKING EVERYONE LIKE LMAOOO

Album called Heartbreaker, she kinda mother for that 😹😹 like literal queen shit. The story… my eyes almost popped out my head like okay.. Not jean and eren popping out yo! Um Connie and Flint is so…messy for all this. They really getting a personal fuck you.

😹😹 Eren just clocked Flint like I hope he don’t get beat up later but he ate. OH MY GOSH?? What the fuck is wrong with Connie yo?? He can’t hate eren this bad like he’s literally a monster….

NAH READER STFU?? BEFORE HE GET SOMEONE TO WHOOP YOUR ASS TOO LIKE OMG?? BUT WHY SHE VERY MUCH SO CLOCKED HIM LIKE IM GIGGLINGGG 😭😭😹😹 GET HIM AGAIN!

Someone gotta kill Connie like wtf is his problem and to even threaten Levi and the way he doing reader, not even letting her see Reiner… like i feel for her so bad omg. Why is he ruining her lifeeee omg ?? Like im finna cry ??? And then to do that to Reiner :((( omg i feel for everyone in here omg

NAH CAUSE LEVI RIGHT ACTUALLY?? LIKE CONNIE IS LITERALLY OBSESSED WITH HER!

Them being worried about who she gonna end up with is kinda crazy like she being held hostage 😭😭? Thank you Levi for getting them back in order. WHY REINER JUST CLOCKED ALL OF THEM LIKE LITERALLY ALL OF THEM LMAOOOO

CHAPTER 6:

ERWIN JUST FUCKED EVERYTHING UP ??? YO??

“She doesn’t have any loved ones, just a bunch of stupid guys hoping to crawl into bed with her. That’s all she’s good for.” Alright?? Fuck you??

CONNIE SHOOTHIM HIM IS MADDDD OMG

The car ride having me on the edge of my seat just paragraphs in. Connie trying to do small talk like please move…

“Because that would mean leaving, and you knew better.” I’m crying like idgaf she don’t deserve none of this 😭😵‍💫😵‍💫???

“Really? You’re working on your eighty-seventh marriage and you wanna lecture me about being a good person? You cheat and get remarried every season, so shut the hell up.” He tried to clock her but it’s tired at this point so 😭😭😭 please gtfo. Connie trying to be lonely too he can get out like i really dgaf.

Nah Reiner clocked it… I wasn’t even seeing Mikasa fr until he just said that because yes I can see it fr! Like wowww. This Mikasa and Reiner conversation is >>> like i love it.

Poor reader like idgaf, she did that to keep them safe obviously! Why would Jean just say that to eren tb licking connie’s boots like his mom’s life was at risk please ??😭😭😭

THE ENDINGGGG OMG??? I canttttt

[dysfunctional-doodle]

Hello, I'm an aspiring fanfic writer and I'm just asking: how do you do it? Like, how do you get the confidence and motivation to write? I'm so worried about making and posting my work after spending hours on it for it to be hated. Another question, how do you write non-dialogue parts so well? I feel like I can write dialogue well, but I'm worried about writing actions and stuff like that will be too difficult and too "non-fluid like"; it just being non descriptive. I'm asking since you are one of my favorite authors on the site, and I want to get your advice on this matter. Thank you for answering if you do!

First of all, I am very flattered you are asking me for advice! It’s wild that people come to me to seek help like this, I still remember when I was 11 writing terrible fanfiction for the first time lol.

Personally, my main piece of advice regarding motivation is this: find an idea you really like, for starters. This may sound obvious but a few times I’ve liked a few things I want to write in theory, but then I sputter out half way through and realise that I was only writing for a small segment and had no idea what to do after this. Obviously, this is still fine, and is what oneshots are for - and it also makes good practice! But motivation wise, always find an idea that really makes you want to sit down and write it all out! I often do fanfictions in one big burst of inspiration in a few hours, but for other people this may be different.

Secondly, never let yourself be talked down out of posting anything! Like I mentioned, I’ve been writing since I was 11, and let me tell you some of those first fics are…interesting, to say in the least. But the act of posting them, even if no one interacts with it, should give you pride and confidence in yourself. Because you’re awesome - you just wrote a story and posted it! People can choose to interact or not, love it or not, but at the end of the day this is still a massive achievement for you.

Try not to get caught up in whether a story is doing “well” or not (for example, views, likes, kudos, etc). This doesn’t matter. If you are happy with your work, this is half the motivation to keep going. You often find one or two people that are really hooked with your story no matter what - personally I think the fanfiction community (at least the ones I’ve been in) are very kind and don’t interact just to hate. The feeling of having even one person loving your story is enough, trust me.

If the performance of the story matters to you, I highly suggest polishing off how you write summaries if you want to grab people. Personally, a confusing summary with excessive emojis or an unclear description makes me less likely to read something. I would advice posting a small snippet of your fic, and then a general summary (this is what I do for all my fics).

If you are struggling, I don’t mind creating summaries/proof reading fics for anyone! It’s hard, especially as a new writer, to do these things. For this, the old saying is the best - practice makes perfect.

You also asked about how I write my descriptions, so I will share my tricks of the trade. Most importantly - visualise the scene in your head.

I mean this literally. Imagine the conversation. How do you want your characters to be acting? Are they standing still? Where are they? How is the environment interacting with them? What are their feelings, and can these be described? Who are they talking to, and what is their relationship with them? Many of these questions can be answered much easier if you picture the entire scene in your head, from start to finish, and then write out all these little actions that you may miss.

Additionally, you also ask about the less literal things, like my descriptions and such - these are actually my favourite parts to write, so much so that I get a little carried away. I cannot really give much advice on this I’m afraid, apart from I write them just by expressing what comes to my mind as it comes. I don’t plan these segments like I do with plot and dialogue, but more so on a whim to extend the characters feelings. Is the character sad? How deep does this go? How does this actually feel? Like churning waters of anxiety that they can’t escape from, or small waves slowly increasing as the tide draws inward? Feelings are very abstract, and so you need to make the most of this. Metaphors are good ways to do this, or descriptions of these feelings also go well. It gives depth to the character and situation they are in, expressing more to the reader exactly how high the stakes are emotionally and physically.

Also, I would advise reading other fics, and picking what techniques you like from those. For example, if you like the way someone describes environments, write down why and then try and replicate this yourself. It helps narrow your writing style, and refine your skills, like finding an art style.

As a final, I would like to say - no one is perfect. No one is amazing at any skill right off the bat. It’s impossible and is never expected from any sane person. What is most important is that you are proud of your work, and this will provide all the motivation you need to keep going and growing as a writer.

For me, personally anyway.

Seriously though, thanks for liking my stuff!

[soft-serve-soymilk]

Tag Game: People I’d like to get to know better

Got tagged by @missiletainnyt! I remember doing this exact tag game when I first started Tumblr on my old blog… I’m getting nostalgia 💖

People I’d like to tag are @bardivislak and @millipedish and @hungrydolphin91 (/j… unless ;) ) (also no pressure to you guys!)

And if you need a summary of Me, I am a tiny individual (my name literally means small) who has not good parents and also lots of ocs (take a peek at #you have no name owo?) which have not been paying rent since 2017 but I love them all ^^. I like to make art, whatever format of the month it ends up being— whiteboard markers, pen, writing, digital, coloured pencil, crochet, graphite are some of the things my long time mutuals have witnessed~

But let’s start with the questions 😄

Current Book I'm Reading: It’s simultaneously Anne of Green Gables and The Memory Police. The former was me trying to broaden my horizons and do some leisurely reading, after all, it’s supposed to help with writing! Kinda taking some advice from this blog as well, which I follow~ I’m enjoying it, as a fan of rich descriptive whimsy. The latter is my novel for school next year— my school has an obsession with dystopian novels, what with The Giver (despised) and The Hunger Games (interesting experience) being past books I’ve done. I’m not far enough to have an opinion, but I’m intrigued!

Last song I listened to: Kimino Ginno Niwa, the ending theme of the Rebellion Movie for Madoka Magica. It has a very hopelessly cyclical and carnival-like rhythm that really resonates with one certain arc out of five of my OCs’ story. Which. Dolphin might be able to sus that out ;). Also shout out to the Cassette Beasts ost, because I streamed it last night to V ^^

Currently Watching: Things need to align in the astral plane for me to watch things ^^;. The last thing I watched was Noragami… in… June? lol

Next on my Watchlist: For reasons listed above, I don’t really have one. But one day I will watch Akatsuki no Yona and Fukigen na Mononokean, one day……

Current Obsession: 3 weeks ago I would have said Cassette Beasts and especially Eugene, but idk. My fondness for Persona 4 has been rekindled as well, but generally when my OCs/head children are on the front burner like this it means I’ve fallen out of a hyperfixation 😅. I’m kinda waiting until December rolls over so I have time to draw something properly, but what that will be I have yet to tell… emil from dotnw? naoto from p4? I wanna do BOTH but alas… I am a one-at-a-time kind of girl… otherwise the piece gets abandoned entirely ahaha. I’m very slow at everything I do which doesn’t help ^^;

But this was fun! Thanks for having me!

[renrenssecretaccount]

Sharing the newly generated AU idea that came to mind while reading fanfics. I’m just desperate for a 2012 tmnt x lmk fic. ANYWAYS.

So it’s canon divergence and basically lbd doesn’t die and the whole convo with MK doesn’t happen, the mayor takes lbd and they leave China and head to nyc to start anew and regain power and control and whatnot and that’s when they see the turtles and lbd is like “I want them” so for like weeks the mayor is observing them and how they act and fight and yk what a spy does and because I love angst I’m throwing Mikey angst in there and yes mikey will sadly be suffering and be the brother that’s picked on and not treated right oh well and Mikey is like out sulking and whatever and that’s when mayor is like “yoo wanna be apart of destiny and show what you can really be?” And Mikey is obvi skeptical cause yk mutants and whatever but then more weeks go by and Mikey is lowkey meeting mayor on the DL but he eventually decides to work with them even though they’re using him LMAOO. So then lbd and mayor have Mikey do a bunch of dangerous missions and shit and Mikey basically becomes the new ‘champion’ yk he’s like that. But the interesting part and when the story gets good is when April has her red flag radar going off and basically follows mikey seeing what he’s up too and def not a good feeling about lbd and mayor and goes and tells the guys the rat daddy about it and yk rat daddy is all wise and knowing and powerful whatever knows about Chinese mythology and is like “lol read jttw it mentions this” and everyone’s like ?? Cause it’s folklore BUT it’s actually true cause yk lbd is literally there and then boom they set off on a mission to go find swk and then yk antics, convincing, trauma bonding, all the funsies that go into protecting the world. And then they team up and see that lbd has basically taken over mikey and they fight blah blah blah and boom mikey is no longer possessed and yes lbd is actually killed this time with mayor and then idk rainbows and happiness or smth

That’s all I hope you all enjoyed my amazing descriptions and abbreviations I just copied it from discord LMAO.

[silvermistanimelover]

Hi I can tell you aren’t super active here so no worries, take your time, but do you have a description for Yatir? I’d love to draw him but I haven’t shown my face in the LU server since literally like, this time last year, so I’m a little nervous. I’ve been reading ‘A Hero’s Spirit’ since the early days (and have reread it more than a few times in the space between updates) and he’s so cool, my favourite little guy.

I also really hope you’re the right guy but how many other silvermistanimelovers can there be lol

Ah! yes, I'd love it if you drew Yatir! :D Fun fact, his basic appearance is based off a character named Galliard from a manwha called Second Life Ranker.

Anyways, here's Yatir's description.

Name: Yatir

Species: Sheikah

Appearance: Somewhat tan skin, about matching with Wild (maybe a little darker), with bright blue eyes. They're icy in coloration, one of his most striking features. He has white hair that's just a bit shorter than Wild's (though roughly the same length), usually kept tied back in a bun or a high ponytail depending on the situation.

General of the Hyrulian Royal Forces Uniform (Yatir): "He was still in his own royal guard uniform—a white shirt with royal blue accents and aged golden chains that hung from his breast pocket. His small cloak bore the symbol of the Hyrulean Royal Guard—the Sword that Seals the Darkness overtop the Sheikah Eye. From his left ear hung a little golden Triforce with a Sheikah Blue gem in the middle—something that was uniquely Yatir’s and showed his position as the Captain of the Royal Guard. " –A Hero's Spirit: Echoes in Time

Normal Clothes/Travel Clothes: Blue outfit that looks like a cross between Link's Champion's Tunic outfit (obviously with more sheikah-like designs on the tunic than the sword) and the more traditional Sheikah armor set. It has accents of a very light blue (so light it almost looks white), and aged gold (for these specific colors, check the flag). Dark blue, off-white blue and aged gold are the colors of the kingdom. Note that Yatir still wears the golden Triforce earring from his Official Uniform.

◊ Extra info: His tunic is the same shade as the Champions' fabrics. In an 'off-screen' moment in the story, Arcadius gave Yatir a Champion's Tunic of his own (with permission of the other Champions). Since the Sheikah themselves never had an official Champion, Arc has designated Yatir. Though it's not 'official' as the meaning of Champion has changed, the sentiment is still there. Yatir adores his tunic, and is proud to be considered an honorary Champion.

Weapons: Twin short-swords (of the Sheikah Weapon variety. The glowy-blue ones). They were made by Robbie specifically for Yatir.

I hope this is enough info! :) I'd love to see whatever you create!

[a-swiss-and-a-spaniard]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for thinking of me @yoellglia ! I had fun reading your answers and even more so trying to answer myself :)

1. How many works do you have on A03?

Jeez, should I consider both of my accounts? Let's do it, why not.

I have 12 fics in total. 7 for Tennis RPF and 5 for the DC Universe.

2. What's your total A03 word count?

37,211 words combined. Ngl, I thought it would be less than that as there are only two multi-chaptered fics and the rest are one-shots. Hopefully, I'll add some more words in the upcoming months :)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, I only write Tennis RPF. I've been toying with a few ideas for the Good Omens fandom, but I haven't opened a new doc yet. And I used to write for the DC Universe, but I haven't done that in ages.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

(I’m gonna keep this Tennis RPF only bc this blog is tennis themed)

Waking in the Night Light: Fedal share their first kiss in a parking lot.

A New Target: Fedal have sex in the locker room.

Moonlight in Paris: Rafa goes to Roger's hotel room.

Strawberry & Dulce de Leche: Roger and Rafa get ice cream.

Somewhere or Other: Fedal phone call.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes yes yes! At least I try to. Although more often than not I get the notification, reply in my head, then forget to actually write back, and I'm too embarrassed to answer if more than a week has gone by… so apologies for that. That doesn't mean I don’t appreciate every single comment I have ever gotten, they always make my day in fact.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Mmh… perhaps Moonlight in Paris. It's not angst per se but it does have an overall sense of uncertainty.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Strawberry & Dulce de Leche, definitely. Rafa's joy at the possibility of Roger going to his birthday party is everything.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, thankfully. I’m glad I haven't unlocked that side of fandom yet.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do, but I consider myself a newbie at it (smut writers, pls teach me your ways).

Generally speaking, I prefer it when smut has a little plot. It doesn't have to be anything complicated or serious, I just need a bit of a story behind what's happening for it to feel more organic. I also like it when the focus is on the emotional aspect of it, though descriptive can be nice as well. And I don't mind wordy smut as longs as it doesn't mess with the flow.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nope, and I'm not a big fan of those tbh

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Story time! Yes 💀 Although it wasn't the whole thing, just a fragment. The fic in question was None but the Lonely Heart for the DCEU. And I only found out bc a lovely person left a comment on my fic, letting me know what had happened and the link to the other fic. I checked and the writer had indeed literally copied and pasted one of my scenes, they'd just changed the names of the characters. So I reached out to the AO3 team and they took care of everything.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. Stef and I had an idea for a Fedal fic, but who knows if we'll ever get to actually write it lol

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

I don't think I have one, really. I would say my main ones/the ones I keep coming back to are Fedal (Roger Federer/Rafael Nadal) and Superbat (Superman/Batman). Though right now I've been reading almost exclusively Ineffable Husbands (Aziraphale/Crowley), so it mostly depends on my hyperfixation at the time

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oof, that might be a Superbat (long) fic set post BvS, where resurrected Clark has lost his powers (and the sun seems to actually make him sick now), so Bruce helps him to get back on his feet and of course they fall in love in the process. I have the whole thing outlined, sheets of dialogues and a couple of scenes already fleshed out, but I took a break from the fandom bc it was draining me out. Idk, maybe one day I'll get back to it. I mean, never say never and all that, but it's looking highly improbable right now

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at setting the tone of scenes, be it fluffy, angsty, whatever.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I tend to write in long, long sentences. Seriously, you should see my drafts, sometimes a whole paragraph can be a single sentence. I don't know if it's due to my Spanish hard-wired brain or what, but I’m working on breaking things up a bit more.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I love it! But you need to make sure readers will still get the message through context, so I think it's best to stick to single words and/or common phrases. Unless, of course, you want to leave your character (and thus your readers) feeling confused.

I do it often when I’m writing Rafa and it's part of the reason I love writing him so much.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

DC Universe

20. Favourite fic you've written?

Tough question… can I say an unpublished one? I have this sort of introspection/character study of Domi, his struggles coming back on tour after the wrist injury and dealing with all the ups and downs. There's not a story to it per se, like I'm not trying to get him from A to B. It's just a dive into his mind, where it gets kinda dark real quick, and it's unlike what I usually go for in tennis fics (fluff), so I've been enjoying the challenge of getting out of my comfort zone there

[starlight-time-machine]

Week in Review

08/18/2024 – 08/24/2024

Sunday

Week 28 of missing Cipher Academy

UNDEAD UNLUCK PEAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK Ruin coming back to ruin the day is another callback moment, but it’s so gratifying to see Fuuko react entirely different this time around – it really shows just how much she’s grown. In general, Fuuko’s just so kickass in this chapter…AND THE TITLE DROP WITH ANDY COMING BACK AHHHHHHHHHHH

SpyFam was literally a nothing chapter lol not to be a slice of life complainer but. Even the slice of life elements of it weren’t interesting to read.

Nui ni Koishite ii Desu ka?: I haven’t read a lot of straight romance manga…I’m just not big into the genre, I think… But I felt strangely compelled by this one when I saw a plot description on Twitter, and I surprisingly really enjoyed reading it. I think I just like romances where the main leads are forced into a situation where they have to help each other out/keep a mutual secret (such as Fruits Basket). I like the comedy that arises from their absurd situation, I like that the girl is a little unsettling about her love of plushies, and I like that due to the nature of the curse, the guy has to be invested in making the girl happy. God, if this manga had come out like ten years ago, it would’ve gotten the 60 chapter run it deserved rather than the rushed 2 volume run we got here… The romance progressed quickly, which was nice, but I would’ve really loved to see them either develop the romantic build up more or explore their life as a couple afterwards, especially in regards to each other’s families (we haven’t seen the girl’s family at all)… I haven’t read the ending yet so there’s still a bit to go, but I mourn for what could have been. Now I’m gonna have to be the weirdo championing for this shoujo manga that literally like only ten people outside of Japan have read…

Monday

Umm

Tuesday

REVUE STARLIGHT EL DORADO HAS FINALLY ARRIVED I have work to do but I couldn’t help myself and played through a route…the Kaoruko and Maya route is sooo funny and cute, and seeing Ayasa reach new heights in her voice acting as Salvatore was a real highlight. I was, admittedly, a little disappointed in the overarching story: I was hoping Judy would be more of a menace like they were priming her to be, and I can’t believe they didn’t even show us the KaoMaya corporate bonding retreat… The most this route did was give Class B more of a spotlight, but even then they were kind of just reaffirming their intentions without going through much of a real arc. El Dorado was fun, and the music was great, but it being truncated also left me wanting more. (And this is unfair to El Dorado, but Salvatore’s backstory was so similar to Ouyang’s from She Who Became the Sun that I was expecting a similar arc trajectory, only to be somewhat let down when it wasn’t as brutal as SWBTS lol. But maybe that’ll be different in the full version of El Dorado.)

Watched the Make Some Noise episode with Brennan, Jacob, and Lou and goddd it was so funny. The three of them have great energy together.

Wednesday

Umm

Thursday

Read through both volumes of Until I Love Myself, and it was a pretty well told and moving memoir. I appreciated the care that the mangaka put towards depicting the differences in other people’s experiences and how they may have gaps in their own knowledge, but their commitment to connecting with others is inspiring to see. I would give it a 7/10 overall.

Friday

I picked up Potion Permit again. I had bought it in like 2023 and played the shit out of it, but seeing that the dev team was still constantly pushing out pretty major updates, I wanted to wait until it was more complete to play it again. Fast forward to now, where my friend got Fields of Mistria on early access and streamed it to me because I was also interested in the game…it’s cute looking, but I think the issue with a lot of indie games is that their art direction is gorgeous but their writing suffers. And considering how I only play farming sims if there’s a Love Interest I want to date, and how none of Mistria’s options really interest me right now (and the lack of multiplayer)…I probably won’t pick it up in the future. But seeing the various items you can collect and running around doing tasks made me nostalgic for Potion Permit, hence the return of my potion madness. More on it when this gaming binge session ends.

Saturday

Potion Permit’s got me in a vice grip. It’s undeniably a mediocre game, but there’s something about it that really compels me. People have called it grindy and unfinished, and that much is true, but I love grinding the resources and fighting the creatures and doing my little tasks around town in the most efficient way possible and levelling up my bonds with the villagers. I think I just like the conceit of being an apothecary more than being a farmer – I love making potions and supplying them and doing little puzzles as a break away from the regular gameplay. Writing wise it definitely struggles a little, as most of the bond stories aren’t that deep or engaging (Matheo’s romance path is like the only one that has any real chemistry). I feel like there’s an outline of a personality for each character, but their dialogue writing just doesn’t do those personalities justice (the writing voices aren’t strong, and sometimes there are grammatical oddities that make things sound off). Also there’s just way too many characters. Did we really need two sets of “doubles”? And have all four of their names start with D??? Despite of all my gripes, however, I can get sucked into playing this game for hours on end…I’m probably going to go until I max rank everyone’s bond levels and then consider the game complete lol. 7/10.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Omg a function where you could pet them would be soooo cute they really missed out ehskshdj

I spoke to soon apparently the new BLLK ch is coming out like, now LMAO

COOL STORY LMAOOO it’s definitely a cool story that’s for sure

That’s what I thought too but everyone else has er..typical fetish things..? That’s why I was so lost like erm you mean you get turned on seeing flower petals..????

LMAOOO I’m sure you’d do shidou justice LOL I lowk almost forgot about that I’ve def seen the Gojos younger sister thing too…

DEATH THREATS I can only assume this was a wattpad activity….truly insane like??

I actually forgot about the possibility of having brothers…maybe because I rarely see any mention of anyone having any?? The only ones I can think of off the top of my head are Rin and Kiyora LOL

Top ten mysteries of BLLK LMAO I can imagine someone making a YouTube video of that and you’d have like Ego’s backstory, what happened in wild card, what happened in Spain, and then at the end just Shidou’s birth LMFAOO

But ok pause I know I said I’d just give a giant commentary ask but actually I need to put this down first I wrote this live reaction style so here’s everything from like 1-2 LMFAO

my first thought is I think I’ve read part of this before???????????????? Ok no I’ve DEFINITELY read this before Kamo fiance and issue with healing ct I specifically remember the paragraph setting up the Kamo fiancé line where you’re describing Inumaki but OMFG ok well that’s kinda crazy!!! I definitely followed a lot but I’m not sure how far in we got before I erm mildly dropped jjk…so reread time!!! I’m ngl I raised an eyebrow when I saw “fiance in Kyoto” in the description I was like haha no way…..apparently yes way LMAOAOA ok NOW I REMEMBER I definitely read this on Ao3 which explains a lot more about why I didn’t put two and two together about you being the author because I was just thinking like my memory isn’t that bad….I would’ve definitely remembered your handle on tumblr but now that I realize I read it on Ao3 it’s all clear now because I’m ngl I don’t usually absorb the author name from Ao3 because the text is kinda tiny imo and the formatting of the site in general doesn’t make it as easy for me to find the author name LMAOAOA

I still can’t get over this though maybe this is fate LMAO can’t believe it was you after all this time HAHAH

Ah yes the pedigree/bloodline/lineage drama set up I love it Naoya entrance before Yuta is diabolical /j but I remember reading this back then and seeing it now too I LOVE the dynamic between y/n and Noritoshi <3 I’ve always kinda been partial to him esp knowing his background (shdgshs mommy’s boy) even though he was kinda an ass in the content of s1 and he’s not shown all that much anymore oops (or not that I’ve seen anyways) never my fav but someone who grew on me (kinda like otoya LMAOO)

I definitely remember this gojo entrance LOL it’s all coming back to me… (the ulterior motives line really made it click) on a slightly related note I LOVE dad gojo like him just looking out for all his students and literally basically being their dad DHDHSHSH he’s so goofy too I can’t believe gege hates him wtf I love the sort of found family dynamic he fosters within the Tokyo school ugh man gege

This is like slapping meetcute Karasu in hollyhock I KNOW I was dying over the Inumaki entrance and crumbs and interactions when I read this in my peak jjk phase…Gojo shipping y/n and megumi is so funny I can’t but shsh TOGE (cue that one gif of that emoji looking all distraught with its hands in the air and it thanos snap dissolves into the air, I really hope you know what I mean LMAOO)

Gojos “doing…womanly things” HAS ME DEAD LMAOOO I also love the little side chat Maki and y/n have about embroidery as if Gojo isn’t there waiting LOL

-Karasu anon

HAHA yeah they usually come out on the weekends i think!! i feel like as of late the leaks have been super early (like thursday/friday even??) so maybe that’s why it felt like it had been so long since the last chapter

that is true…like sae has his ass fetish, karasu has his voice thing, otoya has a scent fetish?? which tbh is also kinda weird but okay…LMAOAO yuki’s is so odd he’s kind of a weird little guy the more you think about it!! i don’t really understand what’s attractive about ephemeral things but to each their own ig 😭

LMAOOO omg i think writing shidou might make me implode because he’s one of those characters where the fanon version is no less crazy than his actual self SDKLFJHS one day i should try it just to see what i come out with 😓

you KNOW it was wattpad HAHAH i was like omg leave my girl alone she truly is doing nothing…people are too vocal abt their thoughts there sometimes truly like i’m sorry i’m trying to have a plot and shit here 😒

i can’t think of any others with brothers either 😭 i’m sure there’s someone random who does but for the most part they either have sisters or are only children…idrk why!! maybe the author would feel obligated to give depth to brothers because they’re male so they could conceivably be characters in bllk but it’s easy to get away with saying “oh they have sisters” and not rlly elaborate because there aren’t really many opportunities for female characters to appear

ego’s backstory/his rivalry with noel noa needs to be revealed asap also the way the jfu didn’t recognize him?? like you’d think if he was noel noa’s rival when they were younger there’d be SOME record of him as a player and at least a few people from japan would recognize him?? you’re telling me NONE of the bllk boys (including isagi “obsessed with noel noa” yoichi) had no idea about him?? so strange…shidou spawning into the universe is also up there in terms of inexplicable aspects of bllk

HAHAH OMGGG you were always meant to find me 🥹 that’s so funny though that you read part of it before!! tbf pomegranate ink was first published when there were almost no yuta fics on ao3 so most people who have been fans of him for a while have read at least a bit of it i feel just because of how long it’s been around 😭

noritoshi and y/n have such a nice dynamic they’re very sweet together…i think my fav thing abt him is how they don’t have to be in love w each other to care for one another yk?? i didn’t want to write the stereotypical possessive man character (we already have red flag naoya in there so it was unnecessary) so i came up w the characterization for noritoshi that way!! i agree he’s not my top 3 but i do like him a lot!! he’s cool

i feel like gojo is too young to give straight fatherly energy like i see everyone assigning to him…for me he’s like that chaotic older brother your parents had way too young and is already at college when you’re still a kid HAHA he and y/n in pomegranate ink are only abt 13 years apart so i tried to show his age and have him be more of a sibling/uncle figure in pi!! i think that becomes more obvious later on in the story though hehe…he’s soooo goofy in pi though i loved writing him and y/n together!!

aww i actually rlly liked inumaki when i first watched jjk ages ago but he’s kinda hard to write for as a main love interest for obvious reasons HAHA he does kind of have a love interest of his own in pi though!! not a part of the y/n harem unfortunately /j

[bookishfeylin]

So having finished the entire trilogy in a day and messing up my sleep schedule in the meantime lol the series in question from my Black fantasy tbr is The Never Veil trilogy by Any McNulty. Book one is Nobody’s Goddess:

About a village in which every man must remain masked until his soulmate aka his “goddess” accepts and loves him (and if anyone looks at his face before said “goddess” loves him he dies instantly, hence the need to be masked from literal birth until his soulmate loves him) and our fmc’s guy best friend is soulmates with her sister and on the fmc’s quest to remove their soulmate relationship she accidentally discovers her soulmate is their village’s Lord, I recommend this book for Nesta stans because I noticed a lot of y’all like complicated and messy female characters. Noll, the fmc, is VERY selfish when the story begins, bitter over her sister “stealing” her guy best friend from her. Nearly every comment she makes is just… mean. There’s really no other word for it. The plot literally BEGINS because she wants to essentially steal her sister’s soulmate. Again: complicated and messy. But she’s not a bad person, just a deeply flawed one, and she truly becomes endearing over the course of the trilogy. Her search into the mystery of why the whole masking and goddess thing exists and the aftermath of the fallout from her discoveries propels her on a fascinating story of GROWTH and development that I’ve rarely seen Black women afforded in media; into a fascinating love story that you wind up rooting for; and provides an interesting commentary on gender dynamics in society. The plot twists are insane, to put it mildly, especially in the second and third books, and I want to strangle our mmc several times throughout the series though we STAN HIM TOO

The writing feels more… o don’t want to say mature because it’s YA, but… definitely more mature than a lot of the booktok books (like comparing this to my recent read Kobab and Qomam? And even to ACOTAR? IMO there’s a STARK difference. This is very clearly the authors OWN writing style and not a simplified, watered-down version of Sarah’s writing that seems to plague a lot of the booktok books). Additionally, the relationships (not just romantic) are all incredibly developed, especially as Noll undergoes her growth and overcomes her “I’m not like other girls” phase (I was annoyed with it in book one until I realized that overcoming her disdain of other women and realizing the value of her fellow women was PART of her growth to becoming a less selfish person and an intended stepping stone in her arc, which was a refreshing change from most YA books).

That being said, there’s still a few petty squabbles I have with the trilogy: the minimal worldbuilding (not isolated to this ofc, I guess it’s more of a staple of YA fantasy now), a brief comment comment in the first book implying that women all have lighter skin tones than men 😑 and, overall, the unclear character descriptions. I STILL can’t figure out if our mmc is white or not it’s the SJM effect I also wish Noll herself had been allowed to flaunt natural hairstyles and that there was more discussion of her hair in general other than her (apparently white?) mother complaining about how her white passing sister had nicer and softer hair than her in the beginning of book 1 I don’t count that as a strike against the series because of uh. The ending. But Imma not say anything more to avoid spoilers :) there’s also a weird insistence that men are inherently more violent then women (briefly mentioned in the third book)??? But aside from that…

Overall though, I enjoyed the trilogy, and mainly BECAUSE of the handling of Noll’s character. Seeing a fmc be portrayed so flawed and complicated and watching her growth truly made this series a highlight for me, and it’s definitely one I’d recommend to Nesta stans and fans of complex, flawed female characters in general.

Hmm I have a book rec for the Nesta girlies and man does it hurttttt

[makeste]

update part two: THE SPOILERING

~*~THIS POST IS ENTIRELY ABOUT BNHA MANGA SPOILERS.~*~ IF YOU ARE NOT CAUGHT UP WITH THE CURRENT EVENTS OF THE BNHA MANGA, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS POST. I do have a separate "hey guys I'm back" update post here which is spoiler-free!

THIS POST, THOUGH, IS NOT SPOILER-FREE. IT IS THE OPPOSITE OF SPOILER-FREE. IT EXISTS SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DISCUSSING THE BIGGEST, MOST SPOILERLY SPOILERS EVER. IF THAT IS NOT YOUR DESIRE, PLEASE PROCEED AWAY FROM THIS POST WITH ALL HASTE.

I am, however, assuming that something like 90% of this blog's readership does, in fact, know exactly what this post is about, which is why we are going to TALK ABOUT IT right here and right now underneath this tidy read-more.

okay, so! gonna stick with the random imaginary Q&A format from my other post just to make things easier.

1. "wow makeste, way to randomly go on spoiler lockdown hiatus for NINE WHOLE MONTHS only to MAGNIFICENTLY DROP THE BALL by running smack dab into THE BIGGEST BNHA SPOILER OF ALL TIME."

I know right??

2. "so what do you have to say for yourself."

short version: I made the critical tactical error of existing as a human being in the general vicinity of the internet in early August 2022. very poor move on my part. rookie mistake.

long version: so there I was, minding my own business, watching the trailer for BnHA season 6, as one does. when out of nowhere, YouTube's algorithm decided to be all "OH? THIS PERSON LIKES MY HERO ACADEMIA? BOY DO I HAVE A RECOMMENDATION FOR THEM." next thing I know, I'm scrolling through my YT home page and ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S A DETAILED PICTURE OF MY SON'S MANGLED BLOODY CORPSE, RIGHT NEXT TO AN ALL-CAPS DESCRIPTION READING -- I SHIT YOU NOT -- "BAKUGOU REALLY JUST DIED!!! THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!"

seriously though. that is word-for-word verbatim what it said. the internet literally got right up in my face and said "OHOHO!! LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY FORGOT TO DELETE LITERALLY ONE SINGLE MHA-RELATED VIDEO FROM THEIR WATCH HISTORY! TIME TO DESTROY HALF A YEAR'S WORTH OF PAINSTAKINGLY DILIGENT SPOILER AVOIDANCE IN ONE EARTH-SHATTERING BLOW!" and just like that, my miraculous fate-tempting seven month spoiler-free streak came to an end. the sequel to blah blah SIXQUIRKS. something something BAKUGOU DIED. JUST THOUGHT WE'D SHARE THAT LITTLE UPDATE WITH YOU. HAVE A GOOD ONE, AND DRIVE SAFE!

so naturally my first reaction was basically just. looooooool :) :) :) what the fuck.

here I am. a working mom. who left her seventeen-year-old fictional son in the care of a 36-year-old Japanese man for the better part of a year because HE SAID he would take good care of him. Jump Festa 2022!! quote unquote!! "I’ve said this to Okamoto [Nobuhiko]-kun in LINE, but Katsuki will be having his greatest scene in the manga in future developments. I hope people who like Katsuki and hate Katsuki will look forward to it." bruh. we have the receipts right here! "greatest scene," he said! oh, goody, I said! something to look forward to when I finally have the time to catch up! "yes," Horikoshi smiles evilly. "something to look forward to, indeed." this fucking guy. can you even believe.

and just to be clear, when I say that I was otherwise 100% not-spoiled up until this point, I mean it. one hundred percent. I had absolutely ZERO knowledge of anything past chapter 339. the last I saw of Bakugou, he was hanging out with the rest his class showing off his cool new moves to Deku and being blindsided by Aoyama's betrayal and stuff. then bam. seven months later, fate mails me a postcard of him lying on the ground with a bloody hole in his chest. like WOW, OKAY. ZERO CHILL. OF COURSE THIS WOULD HAPPEN THE ONE TIME I DECIDE TO GO ON HIATUS FOR TWO HUNDRED DAYS, SMDH.

anyway so that's my story.

3. "so exactly how spoiled are you?"

lol I'm not even sure. I guess my best answer would be, "SOMEWHAT?"

or, if you don't mind reading more words, I can tell you exactly how spoiled I am by summarizing the Things That I Do Know in a bullet list.

THINGS THAT I KNOW

all of this apparently takes place between chapters 359 and 362, with 362 being the big "oh he DEAD dead" chapter. I think. based on all the fics that have since cropped up on AO3 with ominous chapter 362 spoiler tags.

I am pretty sure Bakugou was fighting either Tomura or AFO when it happened.

I have this vague idea that somehow his heart exploded or something?? like I don't really know the details, but that's what I've been able to glean.

apparently Jeanist and Edgeshot were involved in some sort of effort to save him?? but apparently that didn't work out too well I guess. OR DID IT? I actually do not know.

I have the vague impression Edgeshot may have also died, somehow, as a result of those heroic efforts. OR DID HE? again, I actually do not know at all. this is basically the knowledge equivalent of me overhearing half of a phone conversation between two people who were trying to recollect half of a phone conversation that they in turn overheard, several months earlier.

lastly, I know that Bakugou was apparently carrying around his All Might trading card from waaaay back in his chapter 118 flashbacks, in his pocket or something. because he's a giant fanboy nerd. who wanted All Might to sign it. but was too shy to ask I guess. "WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS SENSITIVE SIDE OF HIM COMING?? BAKUGOU CARES ABOUT THINGS??? HE REALLY DID LOOK UP TO ALL MIGHT JUST AS MUCH AS DEKU THE ENTIRE TIME??? WHAT A DEVASTATING REVEAL?!?" is how we were supposed to react to this, I'm guessing, lol. but I'll have you know that SOME of us have already written approximately 1200 essays on how much of a secretly sensitive All Might weeb Bakugou is, and so WERE ACTUALLY NOT SURPRISED AT ALL! yeah that's right! TAKE THAT HORIKOSHI. TRYING TO CATCH ME OFF GUARD AND MAKE ME CRY. WELL YOU WASTED YOUR GODDAMN TIME, because I would have cried anyway! and I did cry! and I will cry again!

anyway so yeah. and I think the card got blown up and/or otherwise destroyed somehow, just to add insult to injury. which, don't tell anyone, but between you and me, I'm not sure what he expected. "let me just take my precious limited edition All Might trading card, my most prized possession, along with me into the intense final battle with the final villain. for good luck or whatever. there's no way this could possibly end badly." did he even bother to put it in a zipper pocket. wtf were you thinking Katsuki. again I do not actually have the slightest idea since I have not actually read this chapter lol.

anyway! so that's everything I know! and let me just add to that a quick summary of things which I in turn do NOT know, the short version of which is: Literally Everything Other Than What I Just Typed Above. including but not limited to:

whether Bakugou actually was fighting Tomura, or AFO, or both. ??

who was fighting with him (except that for some reason or another Deku wasn't there, because I guess he fucked off to go do something else?? you and I fell into the exact same trap there, Deku. "surely Kacchan will be fine and dandy for the next five minutes or hours or days or however long while I go take care of this Other Important Business." yeah, you would think so, wouldn't you? BUT WE LEARNED OUR LESSON, DIDN'T WE.)

what Deku’s reaction was (but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say: PISSED)

literally anything else about the context of this fight, including where, when, and why it took place.

literally everything else that has happened in the manga since chapter 339. for real you guys. I just have to stress again how utterly out of the blue this was for me. to read this spoiler completely without context. WHAT HAVE THESE CHILDREN BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST NINE MONTHS. I'm terrified to learn the answers lol.

anyways but moving on now to the most important section of this post, starting with the one question which I think is by far the most pressing and important, and which I can thankfully answer with a single sentence.

4. "so... do you think he actually is dead?"

no lol.

but since you insist, here is my list of Reasons Why I Don't Think Bakugou Is Actually Dead, based on my nonexistent knowledge of the events of the past 40 chapters, and the actual context and details of his death. and I guarantee there is not a single point here which has not already been discussed to death on thousands of other blogs, but dammit I've been stuck without an outlet for all these thoughts since August, so the hell with it:

so for starters, in my experience, characters whose older selves narrate the story From The Future ("in that moment, there were no thoughts in my head... my body just moved on its own") tend to be pretty immune from dying, overall. just throwing that out there.

from day one, the series has made it very clear that this is the story of how Izuku becomes "the greatest hero" (more recently retconned/updated to become a pluralized "this is the story of how we ALL became the greatest heroes").

also from day one, Katsuki's narrative arc has been set up as a (first contrasting, and then later evolving to be more complementary) parallel to Izuku's, down to them having the same goal.

as the series has progressed, that concept of "becoming the greatest hero" has been further defined as "becoming a hero who always wins no matter what, and always saves everyone no matter what."

Katsuki in particular has expanded on this idea to emphasize that the greatest heroes are the ones who save EVERYONE, no matter what. "I made a pledge! I will achieve absolute victory, every time! we're taking this 4-0, no casualties! the strong don't settle for anything less!" and more recently, "because to live up to those ideals and surpass All Might... we gotta save you, the civilians at U.A., and the people on the streets. because saving people is how we win."

therefore, any victory in which either Katsuki or Izuku dies in order to defeat AFO is not a perfect victory, and will not result in them becoming the greatest heroes.

this is also a flagship Shounen Jump manga and the spiritual successor to the Big Three, meaning this would basically be the equivalent of killing off Sasuke or Zoro or Rukia. a.k.a. not gonna happen ever lol.

on top of that, it's also Horikoshi's tribute to Western comics, particularly those produced by Marvel, a.k.a. the guys who practically invented the No One Ever Stays Dead trope.

and last (actually not last but this really is getting too long) but not least, the number one reason why Katsuki cannot and will not actually die: because AFO does not get to win. seriously. he just doesn't. he got to kill All Might's important person and be all smug and cruel about it. he killed Nana's family and was all smug and cruel about it. he's tormented generations of heroes by deliberately targeting the people they love most. and so even without me knowing the actual context or circumstances of Katsuki's supposed "death", I have no doubt that's why it happened, because that's what AFO does. and that's who Deku loves. and so of course AFO would try it, yet again. that's his fucking modus operandi

but, because he is the final villain, we know he is going to lose in the end. and so this, imo, is the biggest and simplest reason why Katsuki isn't dead: because if he is actually dead, then AFO wins. even if he himself dies in the end. he gets to go down knowing that he took a part of the hero with him. he gets to hold on to that one last triumph. even though he loses, he keeps the hero from winning and saving, and he gets to savor that.

so, since we know that he's NOT going to win, because this is a "good guys win" type of story and not an "evil prevails, sorry, it's called REAL LIFE, bitches, enjoy your tears" type of story, that means that Katsuki is not actually dead. or will not stay dead. either way. period.

anyway so yeah! that's basically the gist, though by no means are these all of my comprehensive thoughts, and I can safely promise you many more rants to come, especially as I prepare to take on the challenge of reading through 39 new BnHA chapters with the foreknowledge of my son's untimely not-death looming in the back of my mind the whole time! looking forward to that! both ironically and unironically! should be interesting to say the least lol.

so on that note, one final q&a before we conclude:

5. "is it cool to discuss other manga spoilers with you?"

I would prefer not to, mainly in the hopes of trying to preserve as much of the "pure" unspoiled liveblog experience as possible, both for myself and for anyone else who cares to actually read said liveblogs. I do already feel bad for depriving people of the experience of watching me naively frolic my way through the upcoming arc(s) all BLISSFULLY UNAWARES lol. instead you'll have to settle for watching me timidly cry my way through while yelling at every single character who blindly tempts fate with their stupid foreshadowing comments. and don't even try to tell me there won't be foreshadowing comments. I know what type of story I'm reading. and more importantly, I know exactly the type of person who's writing it. ~*~gReAtEsT sCeNe~*~. you son of a bitch. THIS ISN'T OVER, HORIKOSHI.

anyway, so basically I would prefer to be as spoiler-free as possible, same as always. but I also no longer have the time or frankly the will to police every potential spoiler out there, so at the end of the day I'm pretty much just going to leave it up to you guys! also because I figure that at this point, WHAT'S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN lol. (but for real there's probably a ton of important stuff that could easily be ruined still, so yeah if you don't mind let's just try to steer clear of all that lol.)

[livinluxuriouslyselena]

Audiodrama Recommendations

Since I see so many requests for recommendations (mainly on the Audiodrama Subreddit) and make plenty of my own requests 😚

I decided a few months back that it seemed the least I could do was to pay the kindness forward (for all the times y’all have supplied me with suggestions).

Before browsing my list- I think it’s important to have a general idea of what kind of person the AD-lover is before getting your hopes up by their recommendations- because, taste is subjective, no? 😉☺️🌟

So, to me, audio drama is defined by having a full-cast of talented voice actors who’s job is to bring a well-written script to life. It is my opinion that *narration* has *no place* in audio drama **unless** it’s *absolutely essential* to the development of the plot as the script requires.

I’m a lover of all things **surreal** ( favorite Artist? Salvador Dalí, favorite author? Rob Shearman 🫠)- I have LOTS of weird sci-fi/horror/thriller/mystery AD’s under my belt.. (I have literally cleaned out the entire *Big Finish Audio* catalogue. 😳)

I grew up on horror everything - I was 5 when I saw *Poltergeist* 👀 so… and was reading my parents Stephen King books in elementary school 😅🙈🤷🏻‍♀️ - by the time I hit highschool I had watched every horror film in Blockbuster (wow I am old 🤦🏻‍♀️) - from the classics like *Psycho* & The Exorcist to the cheesy 80s b-roll slasher films 🙈😂🤣.

That said - I am an equal opportunity listener and I love many shades of comedy dramas. Though I do prefer my comedy to have a bit of *bite* to it.. 😅 and I’m not here for narration. Full cast audiodrama with sound production is my thing. 😅😉😘

as an adult I am partial to UK/Australian/Canada based entertainment. Even though I have lived in NYC my whole life 🤷🏻‍♀️

And here’s the list (I am sure I have forgotten about the audios from before I began this list - so feel free to add to it in the comments)

NOTE- most links take you to Spotify, some exceptions include the BBC SOUNDS app & audible

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Horror/sci-fi thriller/supernatural thrillers (simplified into “more-serious audiodrama”)

—Restart : by the creators of **The Cypher**

— Children of the Stones : (BBC) paranormal/sci-fi/thriller-mystery full cast audio drama.

—The Piper - (BBC) paranormal/sci-fi detective mystery/horror story (full cast audio drama)

— Jackie the Ripper : the infamous 19th century Whitechapel murders retold with some very sociologically-relevant, feminist twists. I debated whether to place this in the comedy or sci-fi/horror section because, technically, it’s a brilliantly British & even mix of both. Description from their website: “in this modern twist, men are the victims of dark, sexually aggressive murders. The kind that leave them penis-less... Behind all the bloodshed is a woman, Jackie, a ruthless serial killer ready to strike again, and again, and again….without a single ounce of remorse and ready to share it all on social media.”

— BODY HORROR (BBC) : psychological mystery thriller (contrary to the title of the piece, it’s not even remotely in the body horror subgenre lol - no gore or any talk of blood 🩸 because it’s not necessary - this one cuts deep, in particular for any1 who’s suffered from issues of identity or body-image disorders).

—In Another Room : paranormal investigation turned straight-horror

—Fulmar’s Folly uk-based post-apocalyptic water world

— Red Valley : surrealist-sci-fi-thriller-horror full cast UK audio drama. BRILLIANT plot & a few thought-provoking mysteries. S1 & 2 end w/ incredible twists & had me in tears one moment; and laughing the next. S3 is in the making & will be it’s final season; completing the story.

— Lusus - (BBC)- *like* an anthology (which I am not really into anthologies unless they are super original 😅) but if you *pay attention*, each very different story is linked. Each episode is unique in its own subgenre of the horror/mystery category.

—5 Week Countdown

— Murmurs (BBC) high-concept, surrealistic sci-fi-horror

—Limelight - another BBC AD: composed of mini-serials. My personal favorites are English Rose (5 part mini-series) ,The System series 1 (6 parts) & 2 (5 parts), Dead Hand (5 part mini-series, each episode a half an hour run-time), & Steelheads (5 parts)

—**Weird Tales** : (BBC) Some of these were just phenomenal. They ease you in with *The Fly* (not associated with the movie) and then they dial up the psychological fear-factor times 10 for *The Loop* - which was my favorite of the entire series. But they are all great (though the framing device is lazy & unnecessary)

— Malevolent : an indie lovecraftian tale

— Dashing Onions Audio : I read a review while Google searching best audiodrama - the mini series When We Were Two (3 part mini-series) was a perfect recommendation- this is how *every* Twilight Zone episode should have been. Upstairs, Upstairs was good just too short. Customs is a master class in script editing. Overall I prefer their mini series.

— Video Palace : traditional horror story

— The Man in Black bought on audible the version with Mark Gatiss; listened to the OG version on the BBC SOUNDS app. ((Anthology-horror)) Each episode is the length of many modern podcasted-audiodrama’s full seasons.

— Dangerous Visions (BBC) Horror/thriller

— Forest 404 (bbc) sci-fi/fantasy-thriller; hard to actually put this one into a genre category..but it’s written by Timothy X Attack, & if you’re a fan of his work with **Big Finish Audio**, it’s worth ur time.

— The Message sci-fi/mystery/thriller

— LifeAfter sci-fi/mystery/thriller

— Archive 81 : ((i suggest u start with S3. If you like it, wither go back to S1 & continue in order, or stick with the “backwards” route; going from S3->S2->S1 😉))

— The Imperfection : award winning. Any more description will ruin it. Go in cold.

— Who Killed Alaska? : sci-fi/mystery/thriller w/elements of surrealism,dark comedy, & possibilities of the paranormal..?

— How I Died : ongoing sci-fi/mystery/horror-thriller

— The Cypher : truly a great mystery (or mysteries..?), definitely a futuristic, world. Sci-fi thriller. Also by the BBC but available on most podcasting apps like the other BBC AD’s I have recommended here (spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Pocket Casts, a few are even available on audible)

— Petrified: Ireland based award winning full cast horror audio drama

— Subsister: A Real Podcast ongoing sci-fi mystery with multi-media/arg elements.

— The Deep Vault : made by the Archive 81 team. Fast paced true horror.

— The Oyster : this one I was apprehensive about & it was just… great. Cerebral, thought provoking, *moving*, psychologically-terrifying sci-fi. You will laugh & likely cry & feel your stomach fill with butterflies & it leaves a definite impression that lasts for days…

— Tracks (BBC) There are 5 different seasons - each could be listened to in isolation as they all have their own individual mysteries that are solved. All weird sci-fi, psychological thriller fiction

—Steal the Stars (renamed STORIES FROM THE STARS) : a shortened version (and obviously far more streamlined in storyline, production etc) of Archive 81 but here the writing shines, the pacing is absolute perfection - and then it’s like a roller coaster that I didn’t see coming - that ending I was so, so unprepared for 🤯🫢🤐

— Marvel’s Wolverine: The Long Night (can be found under the feed “Marvel’s Wolverine: The Lost Trail” - which is the 2nd season of the series) : I am not into the DC/Marvel universe. The last super-hero movie I saw was the 1990’s Batman movies 😳. I knew literally *nothing* about Wolverine, the character, when I finally caved into trying this…and boy, am I glad I did. This AD serves as yet another reminder of how holding onto preconceived notions only limits one’s potential for enjoyment. Anyway… this is absolutely not for children, & not an origin story (which is what I had been expecting). I was shocked to hear that the titular character (the term “Wolverine” is never used. It took a bit of googling for me to see that the missing “Logan” = Wolverine) is played by none other than Richard Armitage (who I know most recently from his spine-tingling portrayal of Rassilon in the Gallifrey Time War boxsets) and oddly enough, said-titular-character has very, very few lines/appearances in this story. I could go on, & on, & on trying to sell the idea of what this thing is & why it deserves your time - but it’s easy enough to just Google..

— St. Mary’s School for Children with the Stigmata

— The Grove : short serialized mythological horror story (obviously full cast)

—The Deca Tapes : almost like an experimental ARG-type formula? Basically you are dropped into a futuristic sociological experiment of sorts- and it’s up to the listener to figure out wtf is going on. This one has narration but it’s integral to the storytelling.

— BOOM (by Stak) : From their website: “It's 1999 and Enron finance manager Jim Yang has received an email from the future.”

—Parkdale Haunt* ((*I found the first season to be almost intolerable due to the very slow opening and pacing issues - but when it gets going it is good. I get the impression that they were finding their feet so-to-speak)) a supernatural horror story- seasons 2 & 3 are great - season 1 is a treck so if you don’t have the patience or tolerance, I advise skipping this one

—The Bright Sessions* (slow the 1st season. But worth it come the AM Archives)

—SCP: Find Us Alive : a darkly comedic horror serial set in the SCP universe but doing something CREATIVE within it

—The Sink: A Sleep Aid (BBC) immersive experience in psychological horror

—Case 63 : a short, professionally recorded, concisely-written psychological thriller

—Blood Culture : horror/sci-fi serial

—Quiet Part Loud : by Jordan Peele. This is a must listen.

—Tomorrow’s Monsters : serialized horror/sci-fi thriller

—Eliza : A Robot’s Story : professionally recorded.

—Borrasca* : paranormal investigation turned horror series by Q-code so that in itself is an advertisement warning complete.

—Passenger List: slow burn mystery. Caitlin Le, an Asian college student from Kansas is attending university in NYC when news breaks of a plane going missing (ala the Malaysian airline’s mystery). As the “disaster” unfurls, she is surprised to discover her twin brother was on the flight from London to New York. Months later the airline announces a “bird strike” was responsible for the flight crash; despite the fact that no evidence of a crash has been found. Caitlin Le can’t move on until she knows what happened to her twin. Soon she uncovers multiple rabbit holes 🕳️ and she gets lost . Did she really ever truly know her twin brother?

— Batman Unburied : I’m not into the whole Marvel comics thing but this audio drama does something different with classic tropes

—Batman : The Audio Adventures : again, very well done. I was into the Gotham TV show for awhile - but that’s the only marvel/DC-spawned-entertainment that’s ever caught my attention. This is another one that works for both fans of the Batman and newbs alike

—The Secret of St. Kilda : this is more of a drama with some supernatural/mythical elements

—Give Me Away : I was torn whether to put this one in the comedy or serious section because it’s more of a “dramedy ”. And it’s scary because of what it says about society but not traditional horror. It’s also by the team who did *Steal the Stars*

—Paragon : an hour-length sci-fi/horror audio drama and is part of the PRIMORDIAL DEEP feed

—Wake of Corrosion : post-apocalyptic horror (ongoing)

—Quietly Yours : straight-up horror, bottle episodes (anthology of cinematic horror drama for the ears)

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Non-horror full cast audio drama (space operas, comedic serials, etc)

—Juno Steel : part of the Penumbra Podcast

—EOS 10 : comedic space opera

— Brimstone Valley Mall : dark comedy nostalgia fest

—We Fix Space Junk : comedic space opera

—Marscorp : comedic space opera

—Classified : Dark Comedy, triggers : mental illness/asylums

—Wooden Overcoats : dark comedy “sitcom”

—Mockery Manor : nostalgia-fueled dark comedy/mock/horror

—Eternal Strife : comedic serial

—Victoriocity : a less serious, less professional version of Jago & Litefoot

—Alba Salix : comedic serial fantasy

—Bubble : this one is a weird one because it is full cast and yet it has a designated narrator… so… 😏 give it a shot & if it doesn’t work for you probably give it a pass 😙

—The Candyman : Horror-comedy/parody - very indie but quite short and worth it 👏😂

—Human B-Gone : ongoing but so far so funny

—Two Flat-Earthers Kidnap a Free Mason: This one is definitely meant to be a farcical, satirical look at the internet conspiracy world (ie: the people who followed Alex Jones’ almost religiously lol) - it’s only 14 episodes in so far, and clearly ongoing… it’s not great but it works if you’re bored..? There are certain parts that would be really funny if the pacing had been better.

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Free Full Cast Audible Audio Dramas Worth Your Time (modern radio/audio drama & *FREE*)

—Space: 1969 (comedy/alternate reality) pieces of the description from the site: “What if President John F. Kennedy had survived and rocketed the Space Race of the 1960s into overdrive? And what if he was, maybe, not quite… himself? Space: 1969 is a retro sci-fi comedy adventure that has to be heard to be believed!”

—Heads Will Roll dark fantasy comedy

—Radioman (psych thriller/horror) from the site: “When a series of gruesome murders leaves a community in despair, a former local DJ decides to start a podcast and do something about it. But as his following grows, long-buried secrets from the past resurface revealing not everyone is who they truly seem....”

—The Method (serial killing actor- intense)from the site: “James Patterson leads you into the darkest recesses of the mind with this chilling, immersive audio thriller. We meet Brent Quill, a frustrated actor trying to take his game to the next level. When he learns about the intensive Method acting process, he dives in deep—and immediately lands the lead role in a TV series about a brutal serial killer.”

—The Catchers (straight horror/paranormal possibly cryptid) from the site: “Catchers is a small-town horror tale with all the charm of a classic ‘80s creature-feature, updated for the modern era.”

—Self Center (dark comedic horror; social relevancy)

—Hit Job (dark comedy)

—The Rivals: Tales of Sherlock Holmes’ Rivals (what it says on the tin - but very funny as well as delivering good mysteries)

—Tribulation : religion trigger warning. Interesting idea - religious cult on an AM broadcast is using electricity to “steal” people and force them into “tribulation”…

—High Strangeness : Doctor Who meets X-Files & Stranger Things - very good; very funny

—Apocalypse Untreated : “five mentally ill teenagers in an inpatient wilderness program during the apocalypse face not only the end of the world, but also the end of their prescriptions. Now, they have to figure out what’s real and what’s just a side effect, and keep their wits about them as they fight for their lives and their minds. Apocalypse Untreated is a multi-part, post-apocalyptic thriller brought to life with world class sound design, and performance.”

—Sorry Charlie Miller : another one w/Zachary Quinto (the protagonist/antagonist of The Method) but this is a modern comedy - from the website “Sorry Charlie Miller is a Tik Tok era mystery with twists, turns, and a whole lot of questionable fashion choices. It takes place in Florida, hello.” - so yeah, for me it depends on the time of the day and time of the month. It’s good for the right time basically 😂

—Sheltered : British humor - very bingeable just wish there was more 😔 Description from the site: “It’s been centuries since Armageddon and no one has ever left the bunker that has sustained what remains of civilised human life....When innocent simpleton Gary and social climber Veronica are sent to explore the world outside, they soon regret ever leaving the safety, soft furnishings and quilted toilet paper of Fallout Shelter 7421.”

—Sour Hall : magical horror staring Pearl Mackie (aka: Bill from the Capaldi years of Doctor Who, also the protagonist of AD Forest 404)

————————————————

[allisonlol]

Hii, how are You? :DD I really like Your writing so could I request Jouno, Poe and Nikolai comforting their sad/anxious s/o?

a/n: omg absolutely !! some of my fav characters; i adore this req :D

warnings: mentions of panic attacks, anxiety, crying, descriptions of general unwellness

(Jouno, Poe, Nikolai) Comforting a Sad & Anxious S/O

this gif? high key me lmao

Jouno

he can always immediately tell when you’re feeling upset just by the rhythm of your heart 

so, the second he hears your heartrate increase to be unusually fast, he’s concerned

on this day in particular, it happened while the two of you were preparing for bed

out of nowhere, you’d just started to feel incredibly anxious

happens to me all the time. really sucks, doesn’t it?

“y/n? is something wrong?” jouno immediately asks 

“i’m fine! just a bit tired.” you say, but your voice is shaky

it’s painfully obvious that you’re lying, and jouno is at your side in a second, pressing two fingers down on your wrist to test your pulse

“your heartrate is over 100 bpm, your breathing is rapid and you’re shaking...clearly something is wrong.”

well damn jouno, we didn’t ask for an entire medical evaluation

jk that’s just how he shows that he cares

you admit to your boyfriend that you’re having a panic attack even if the cause is unclear (those are the worst kinds of panic attacks tbh)

jouno is, surprisingly, very understanding and tries his best to calm you down

this is one of the only moments that you’ll see his extremely soft and caring side :’)

helps you to sit down somewhere and will rub soothing circles on your back

also whispers soft little affirmations in your ear about how he loves you & that everything will be ok <3

won’t leave your side until he can clearly hear that your heart rate has subdued back to normal and that you’ve stopped shaking 

basically,,,i need myself a jouno. right tf now

Poe

poe is extremely empathetic for you

to the point where if you’re sad or anxious, he will also become sad and anxious

it literally can’t be helped lol. he just gets so worried for you it overrides his emotions as well

now this doesn’t mean he won’t be able to comfort you 

because he tries his best !

poe isn’t the most...well versed in situations such as these so he might be a bit awkward but it truly is sweet

he can read ur emotions easily so he pretty much instantly knows when you’re sad

panics a bit internally but tries not to let it show for your sake

the moment he realizes something is wrong, he’ll quietly approach before putting his hands on your shoulders and softly asking what’s bothering you

if it’s anything you want to talk about, he’ll patiently listen to you rant and offer comfort or advice where he can

poe is a really good cook (canon bc i said so) therefore whenever you’re sad he’ll make your favorite foods for you

he’ll also read his stories to you, and his voice is so deep and calming-

karl even tries to make you feel better too, and will climb into your lap and snuggle with you

after poe’s initial panic at you being sad, he becomes very sweet & dead bent on improving your mood :)

Nikolai

this man’s a bit clueless so he might not notice you’re upset at first

he’ll be in the middle of teasing you when, out of nowhere you just break down and start crying

this really shocks him and his smile instantly drops

another one who goes into panic mode. except this is because he think’s you’re crying due to him

in reality you were just very overwhelmed and that was your breaking point; it had nothing to do with nikolai teasing you

you try to reassure him of this between gasps as you cry

when you’re upset is one of the only times you’ll see your boyfriend actually be serious for once

he leads you to a nearby chair so you can sit down, and crouches down next to it so he’s at your eye level

won’t say much at first and will let you cry for a bit while holding your hand for reassurance

after you’ve stopped crying he’ll gently wipe the tears from your cheek and ask if you want to explain why you’re upset

believe it or not, nikolai actually turns into a very good listener during these times

also becomes very doting, getting whatever you need without you even having to ask 

he’ll even attempt to make you smile or laugh by showing you some magic tricks <3

and once you’re in a somewhat better mood, he’ll scoop you up bridal style and carry you straight to bed to cuddle !

a/n: ty for such a cute req omg >.< hope u enjoyed !

[magicalara]

The Story of Grelle the Reaper: A review by yours truly prt 3

Hello hello my lovely theorists (totally didn't steal that from matpat, I'm Em Gem)! Welcome to part 3 of my analyzation of The Story of Grelle the Reaper by the lovely and amazing @eemoo1o-animoo. If you haven't seen parts 1 and 2 where I go over the prelude and chapter 1, you can go here for the prelude and here for chapter 1! Fair warning, they're a mess. Even this is kinda a mess, but it's okay, we get through it.

I have been messaging with Ell throughout the majority of my analyzations so keep in mind that even in my works there are some little hints here and there, though nothing too groundbreaking. I am a reader myself so I don't know nor would want to know the whole story lol.

Do keep the trigger warnings for the story in its tags in mind, Section 2 deals with some heavy stuff from my own personal life and just with Grell/e in general, though I explain this more in the precursory paragraph to that section so you are warned beforehand. Enjoy!

Chapter 2 is out, it’s great, it hits me in the feelings so much and is just all around amazing. If you haven’t read it, go do so first because while I will still go though this analysis like I did previously where it’s side-by-side, the chapter needs to be read and soaked in first. There’s heavy ideals here, especially at the end so take the time to go through and read the chapter on its own and then come back over here. …You read it? Good, alright let’s get this show on the road then!

So this chapter is 6k words worth of happiness until it gets worse and isn’t happy anymore and then I start to tear up because Ell is mean /j. There isn’t really weather to comment on at the start here so I’m gonna take this time to correct myself on some things from my Chapter 1 analysis, specifically the pigs and hands.

So for Chapter 1, there’s a whole part where I talk about what pig’s blood means and I was completely wrong. So I’m gonna correct it now. In the Book of Circus episode that Ell referred me to, I overlooked Grelle calling Beast an “ugly old sow” as just a one-off thing when really that’s what I should have focused on. Calling a woman a “sow” is an insult and so when the word “sow” is used, it’s supposed to refer to an actual woman, not an actual pig. I think too literally sometimes and it leads to my demise and the destruction of my mind when everything clicks. At this point, I’d like to point you to the Prelude when Grelle has sow’s blood on her…yeah…my mind went SHSDJHAKA too. So now we know that Grellie is gonna go murder someone at some point right before she dies and I can’t tell if I’m excited for it or not.

The other thing was the hands that I had said in my Chapter 1 analysis I couldn’t get at 10 PM running on little sleep, but was later told to me to be like a comparison to show how big they are. It's a dysphoria thing. Because you know men are like “bigger” and he notices how big his hands are in comparison to hers so Grell don’t like it. 

Oh! Also the name Grell means bright like as in smart so when George and unnamed man who isn’t unnamed anymore says he takes after his name, it’s a compliment, they’re calling him smart. I think that’s all and if not, then you’ll hear about it in Chapter 3’s analysis.

In the last analysis, I did over six thousand words of paragraph analysis. I will do my best to not do that again. I’ve been suggested to try bullet points. I will be trying bullet points. If I exceed the word count of this chapter once again, I will…I don’t know I’ll do something (maybe finally do the next chapter of forever forgiveness that’d be nice huh) So let’s go on and see how bullet points go. This analysis will be broken down into two sections this time, mother/son bonding and The Mirror Scene™, fyi. Okay let’s go

Section 1: Mother/Son Bonding

Descriptions and cinematography

 This is just in general but I still wanna point it out, Ell has an amazing way of describing things that make the whole story cinematographic almost. I’m one of those people who can’t see pictures in their mind, like I think in words. When reading tsogtr, though, I can see it. It’s new for me, that’s why I’m pointing it out. Just while you’re reading, really take the time to imagine everything because, especially later like with The Mirror Scene™ I can see it and there’s like a whole movie playing in my head and I love it.

Small Room

This just adds to me the whole idea of Friedrich specifically viewing Grell as a child. You could argue that Hilary is the same way, but I think her viewing Grell as a child is more of in a motherly “that’s my baby; always has been, always will be” kind of way while Friedrich is more of a “he’s a child who needs to grow up” kind of way. The fact that Grell’s room is small isn’t just mentioned here, it’s also later on, but I’ll go into that later.

Bullying and Hilary’s kind words and gestures

Hilary loves her son, her baby, and I will say that to my grave. Her gestures and words give off so much warmth and love in this whole scene and it’s just so apparent. Rather than scolding Grell for forgetting things (like a certain someone might have), she sees that he’s upset and that something might have happened. She doesn’t demand it of him, she doesn’t get upset at his lack of words, she sees her child, her baby, struggling and wants to help. She knows of the bullying that was mentioned in the past, and she’s worried for Grell. Hilary’s patient with him, even while he’s stuttering out his words. She has probably always been a safe space for Grell and the way that she just sits with him and lets him take his time shows it so well.

“...as though a spectre was afoot.”

Well… it’s not a ghost…But it is a reaper! :D Okay sorry I’m not funny continuing

George and Keats

Authors huh. I don’t know which George this is about, I’m gonna go with Orwell because I hate Animal Farm but it’s ingrained into me thanks to high school. Keats, I’m gonna imagine him as the physical embodiment of Keats the snake because I think it’s funny. There’s no reason to mention this part of the commentary, I’m just putting it in because I can. George and Keats aren’t important and I’ll be thoroughly surprised if they show up again 

They are, in my mind, a form of “and they were roommates” because they’re always described as a pair. So yeah. And they were roommates. 

I think it’s a little interesting that the two stopped visiting as much after Grell was born. There’s reference to it and after better confirmation, I think it’s worth mentioning that Hilary is heavily alluded to having been a prostitute before Grell was born. With how George and Keats said that she was always a pleasure to see (and considering that Grell probably didn’t understand because I don’t think he knows), they most likely were…frequent employers…to our favorite momma. So once Grell was born, that would explain why they would only talk to Friedrich at the bar. They don’t see Hilary anymore because they’ve moved on and it’s probably awkward to see the accidental child that is Grell Sutcliff. 

Hilary throwing hands

Grell is very prone to overthinking to the point where his worries turn into little scenes that he sees in his head. He’s very anxious and the fact that this is something that’s happened twice in the same day really shows that. (Yes it is the same day, the talk with Friedrich from the beginning of the last chapter happened the morning of this day that’s here. The time is ambiguous, but I imagine that this conversation happens sometime between like 4-5 pm.)

Anyways, momma Hilary would 100% throw hands for Grell

“You know what I see?”

(This encompasses the parts from Grell explaining the roommates calling him like his father and beyond, I just used the quote because I liked it for this section of the section) We already know why Grell was uncomfortable and all, so all to right before the quote I put up there is just reaffirming it and showing how he invalidates his feelings, even to someone who clearly cares.

I think Hilary knows that Grell isn’t himself, not necessarily in a trans way but more in a I just need to show him that he isn’t his father and is his own person who needs more confidence kind of way. Either way, now starts my favorite scene in this whole chapter where Hilary’s just making Grell feel better and highlighting all of like his features in a way that she knows will make him feel better and I wanted to cry reading this. Anyways, she’s just making him feel better in that way that good mommas do with their kids. (Grell has green eyes idk how to insert this but he does and that might come up again once he isn’t a he anymore and really goes into that “damage cliff” stuff iykyk). She goes on and affirms that they’re “like dawn and dusk” and that they love him. As for her basically calling them two sides of the same coin, obviously Friedrich is gonna end up as a catalyst for Grell/e’s anger and I think that that can be seen as foreshadowing in a way for it.

Where did the fried egg (Friedrich; get it, fried egg, fried rich, eggs are expensive in the US right now among other things, eh, eh. It’s okay I’m not funny) go

He’s on a summons. In a noble’s manor. The next town over. Now I’m not saying that this will be important (that’s exactly what I’m saying) and it’s totally not because I know too much about the future of this story (I know a lot about the future of this story). Just. This is foreshadowing, just keep that in mind. The fried egg also told Hilary about Grell losing the job with fish and she’s plenty more supportive than the egg about it and shows as such by brushing over it and continuing on.

 “I’ve always believed the eyes were the windows to the soul. Everybody’s are different, darling.”

We have more foreshadowingggg. And also sadness. First, “eyes are the windows to the soul”, is a little ironic considering that Grell is about to lose his soul at some point soon. Second, “Everybody’s are different”, until you’ve killed yourself and are dead 🥰

Okay but no actually like it’s interesting that this is something that Hilary brings up, especially in a series where eyes mean so much both in tsogtr and kuro in general. Like demons have reddish tinted eyes and full on red when they’re in demon mode, reapers have the double green, Ciel has his demon contract in his eye. Eyes really do show the soul or lack thereof and while, yes, this is just a usual metaphor that’s been said for a long time and doesn’t have a literal meaning, but in this case it can be both and that’s interesting. 

Baby Grell

He was a little shit. At least in Friedrich’s pov he probably was. 

Also just imagine Grell as a naked ass child running around to not go into the bath like it’s just funny and adorable at the same time. I can imagine him doing it since he was baby baby and I don’t like kids but Grell can be the exception

✨ Makeup ✨

It’s a nice moment between them and one that gives me hope that Hilary will accept Grelle. Due to the time period, it’s still not a huge chance, but a chance nonetheless and I will hold on to it like my life depends on it. And Grell putting the lip paint on his mother makes it feel warmer too like it’s just a nice time.

Okay part 1 of Section 1 done. It’s shorter than I thought it was gonna be, so like, that’s a win for me. There wasn’t much to analyze here (there was another mention of pigs and they have become an arch enemy for me but it literally means nothing. eventually bees will join this list, but that’s to be talked about in another chapter). Oh yeah and I say part 1 because I combined two scenes into one section this is just my little interlude for it. Take a break, get some water, get a snack. Okay let’s continue.

Bread making

More wholesomeness. As a baker, this scene makes me very happy, especially because they made a competition out of it and I just folded at that. Someone come do this with me, we’ll make whatever sweets you want it doesn’t have to be bread I’ve made many things before so we can do it I’m open to literally anyone. Let’s make a platonic discord date out of it we can bake on call together. (That’s all mostly /j like unless we have open communication that’s just me being lonely)

 ANYWAYS THAT WAS A BIG DIGRESSION

She gave him a big smooch :( /pos I love them so much you have no idea Ell if you hurt Hilary I’ll stop analyzing this story /j 

I can’t say anything about Grell because we know where that’s going

Dancey Dance

I’m pretty sure “junge” means boy in German so Grell calling his mother that is funny to me because she probably doesn’t speak it either and so would never notice and it shows how bad he is at German despite his father calling him that in the morning. Silly Grell, it’s okay we’ll always love you. Edit: All of that is not as intended…there’s my interpretation but it isn’t meant to be like that it’s more the two making fun of Friedrich. So yeah.

More memories of dancey dancing but Hilary brings up how Grell’s grown up so fast. She says “You just loved me too much to leave” which, in context, is about how Grell was overdue in his birth, but is also just really making the foreshadowing about the inevitable really hurt more. This goes even further when she says how “the place would be empty without you.” Grell is the heart that’s kept Hilary going these years and she loves him just as much as he her, probably even moreso. Let’s be real here, Grell was not a baby who was created on purpose. Hilary was a prostitute, and a young one at that. She isn’t older than 45 which, if you do the math seeing as Grell is 27, means that she had him at MOST at 18. The estimated age is around 15-18. Friedrich is obviously older, having been probably around 21ish when Grell was born and is now in his late 40s (48-50). Grell was not made on purpose so for Hilary to have gone through with the pregnancy so young and immediately going on to marrying the man she had a baby with must have been a lot for her. It’s not like she would’ve had many options but to keep Grell but still. We all know the Circus arc, abandoning kids isn’t far off and she could’ve easily done the same. Grell kept her going and so when the inevitable Cliff Scene™, as I am now dubbing it, comes along, I know that I won’t be able to resist thinking about Hilary when she eventually learns of her baby’s death. End scene.

I said it didn’t I? I said I’d make things shorter. And I have delivered. (Future Em here: the whole thing is 4.5k words. Which technically is shorter so I do win ha) The thing is, now we’re on to the Mirror Scene. If you are reading both this and the story side by side, now is the time when I tell you to stop, go read the scene properly, and then come back. Trust me, you’ll need it. The Mirror Scene™ is one that’s full of heavy, heavy feelings and ideology that hit me hard. There are trigger warnings for nudity and dysphoria, and they should be taken into account before reading. This is an important scene towards setting up Grelle and will be coming back in the future. I am not transgender individual and so if I say something that is in bad taste or offensive, please do not hesitate to let me know. In this section, I also talk about my own struggles from being a kid and now with how I perceive myself, so be warned of that. It starts right after the paragraph about Grell turning the mirror around. If there is one thing I could ask of everyone, it’s to be kind to me about that part and if you don’t wanna see it, don’t read it. But let me talk about it for my own sake. With that being said:

Section 2: The Mirror Scene  

I’m going back to paragraphs, this isn’t a bullet point endeavor. So the scene opens and Grellie’s having a bath. We got the setup and we get a reiteration of how small Grell’s room is. Most importantly in this description is that where he bathes gives a direct path to his reflection. 

This reflection is the whole thing which sets up the scene. It’s generally something that happens to a lot of people where they become insecure at what they see in the mirror, whether because of just general insecurity pushed by beauty ideals, or something which takes root in the mind and festers and grows into something much worse. The latter of this is true for Grell. He perceives himself in his mind much differently from how he looks in real life. Grell isn’t the perfect self he sees in his mind. Again, this is something that a lot of people feel, but for him, it’s much deeper than that. He knows what he wants to see, the perfect self in his mind, however knows that that will never be him. Grell, in his mind, can never be the person who he always sees in himself, almost as if he’s locked away in a cage of who he is on the outside. The light might seem so close and the corners of the room he’s in are visible in the near pitch black, but it never gets closer nor further away. It’s a detachment from the mind yet also something that is ever present in the corners of it. This anxiety and these feelings are described as a God-given punishment and a “flesh-eating disease” in a fitting way which shows the internalized turmoil he feels from feeling this way. I asked Ell about Hilary not having aborted Grell and she had told me about how, before Grell, Hilary wasn’t as connected to religion but that after she is somewhat religious. Grell also says how he’s read biblical verses in school (though it is said “unwillingly” which suggests that neither Hilary or Friedrich cared much about having Grell submit to a religion). Obviously he knows about the whole idea that “God doesn’t make mistakes” and so to be feeling that he, in the body he was gifted and blessed with, is not his true self is a high sin. It’s the disease that eats away at his brain, the sin which keeps him from being true. Even with Hilary letting him try things for fun at times or if Friedrich was more open to it, Grell has that internalized turmoil of what he has been taught versus what he is.

Then we get to the rituals he would do to lessen his, let’s be honest, dysphoria (there is also the dysmorphia which is implied but the two tend to go hand-in-hand sometimes so I’ll touch on it more as the scene progresses but in a general sense, what Grell is feeling dysphoric). He starts slow with just turning the mirror around which seems like a pretty good idea. He doesn't have to perceive his true being when clothed or when naked and you know what that sounds like a pretty good deal. Except then he gets asked about it and oh shit I need an excuse and oh fuck I’m not a good liar and I can’t really tell people the real reason I’m doing this and uh uh uh I need a new solution. 

Something I wanna intercept this stream with here is the image of Grell having panic attacks in his room. It’s small, we know this, I keep bringing it up and so like unless he goes and has his attacks (because you cannot tell me that Grell Sutcliff has never had a case of semi-frequent panic attacks he literally had one in the first chapter and felt so much anxiety about his new job before that he ended up throwing up) on his bed, the floor is the only option. With the layout we were given, I bet you that the floor he’d have these attacks on were- wouldn’t you know it- right in front of that damn mirror. So while he’s already feeling bad, I want you to imagine Grell sitting on his floor facing the mirror or being able to at least see himself in the mirror at some point in the midst of a panic attack. And all those thoughts of his dysphoria coming in to join the party. But I digress.

Next solution, wear a shirt over yourself. The thinking for why he does it is much different than what I’m gonna compare it to, but I’m gonna do it anyway. When I first read this part, I was immediately thrown back into little Em’s mind when they used to go to the pool with their friends and were always told that they had to wear a large shirt over themselves in order to go swimming. For those who don’t know, this is something that a lot of parents do to cover up their children’s bodies from pervs, however, I, at the ripe age of 10 and even beyond to now at 19, have never been a skinny kid. I was always the fat kid and not the fat where you just developed early and wow look it’s the 12 year old with boobs (though that too), I was the fat kid who was told by my relatives to stop wearing short sleeved shirts because my arms were too fat to make it look right or to stop wearing shorts because my thighs were too big. I still keep that ideology to this day as I reach 20 this year and have not owned a pair of shorts since I was 11. Anyways, Grell wearing a shirt to bathe in reminded me of all of this because that’s what I would do. I’d wear a shirt in the shower, to the pool, and I’m sure if I ever went to a waterpark, I’d wear it there too. This isn’t all for analysis purposes that I’m mentioning this, rather it’s because this is a part which I, Em, the author of this post, hi, hello, how’s it going, resonated with very much so. I mentioned in the little disclaimer before this part, I am not a transgender individual. But for those who were following me up until like two weeks ago know, I recently changed my pronouns and while I don’t have a label for myself quite yet, this part with Grell using a nightshirt to cover himself as a way to not have to be perceived even if it’s just be himself, calling it an “unremovable suit of man’s skin”, and saying how he has a “loathing for his own form” hit me in a place I didn’t need to be hit (/hj). I heavily considered not mentioning my own feelings about this part, but to do so would be a disservice to myself, to the little girl who I once was, and to the character who has helped me through some of these feelings. And, of course, to all of the other people who may or may not see this post, read what I said, and think to themselves “I’m not alone.” I hope you enjoyed looking a bit more into who I am as a person and why I am who I am because I sure didn’t (/j). If anyone ever needs someone to talk to, please, please, please never hesitate to reach out to me. I will always be there as best I can for those who need it. /gen

Anyways, that sad stuff is over, so let’s get back into the sad stuff that we came here for :D  The delusion that the shirt will help, even if just for the moment, and the idea that maybe one day, just maybe, things will change overnight, is such a hurtful thought. Partly because the delusion and false hope of it all can just cause more harm and disappointment as time goes on but also because it’s just sad. Grell is stuck in this endless cycle and because of his internalized fears, the cycle is destined to never end. He studies himself, as if he’s an external being rather than the body that inhabits his brain. He convinces himself he’s sick. Someone who would be locked away as delusional. He hides his thoughts of her away in fear of what could happen lest he make herself truly known.

Describing her body, she doesn’t connect much to herself really. Sure, Grelle may deem it as “his limbs” or even “his penis” but it’s as she says, it’s not a combination of words which resonates with her. That isn’t her body that she sees, yet she’s still faced with the unfortunate reality that she is connected to it. Scars might be easy to conceal, but the weight will always remain. Disfigurement might not make the essential bane of her existence go away, but it can conceal some of it. Alternatively, the scar of her penis is one which is too big to conceal properly, no matter how much she may try. It’s there. She can try and get rid of it, but the scar will always remain, figuratively and literally in the case of bottom surgery. 

Then we get to the apex of the mirror scene- Grell’s art skills. Okay no but seriously, Grell lets Grelle take over here as she draws out herself while, internally, Grell is almost panicking, coming to full terms with what is really going on. He sees herself; the her who has always been in the back of his mind, plaguing his inner thoughts of his perception versus his reality. He sees who she is for the first time visually, properly, in the real world. And she loves it. She doesn’t see herself as ugly, she sees herself as her. Grelle is finally seeing what she was always missing for the past 27 years.

And then reality comes back.

The big takeaway besides the obvious reveal and realization of Grelle versus Grell is the fact that he never erased the image. One could argue “oh but he does it later”; does he random person?? Does he really?? Because I think that in the abrupt snap from Grelle to Grell, I don’t think he does. I think he’s gonna finish getting dressed, and then go back to the kitchen and leave the mirror as it is with the image of Grelle on it. I think that this is going to cause problems. Hell, I know this is gonna cause problems. But that, dear friends, is something which will be properly revealed in the next chapter of The Story of Grelle the Reaper. Until next time. (*in a matpat voice* But hey, that’s just a theory, a Grelle theory, thanks for reading. Sorry, I had to lol.)

~~~

There is so much to love about this story from the way it's written, to the relationships between the characters, to how much detail is being paid attention to here. If you'd like to be tagged, feel free to leave an ask or a reply and I will gladly add you to the taglist for the analysisisis that I do on tsogtr. And if you have any of your own theories or comments, leave those too! I'd love to start a section where we can talk about all of our theories, especially as things pick up more and more. Until next chapter!

Taglist: @hobbit-in-kuroshitsuji @superjelly11

[xenosagaepisodeone]

Kikokugai, or: How Urobuchi Leaned So Far Into the Misogyny Allegations That He Kinda Beats It Almost Depending on How You Look At It

this is it. the Kikokugai longpost about the only component of this game’s story that I find interesting enough to post about, with pictures and everything. hit ‘keep reading’ if you dare.

for a general background: Kikokugai is a revenge story. Taoluo is seeking to kill 5 assassins who raped and murdered his sister, Ruili. Among the assailants is Ruili's husband, Haojun, who orchestrated the event. After her death, Ruili's soul was split up into 5 gynoids that were given to those who partook in her murder (the initial in-game explanation for this is that there is an underground market for gynoids that are able to experience unscripted fear, pleasure, etc, of which fragments of human souls are able to facilitate with authenticity). Should Taoluo retrieve the fragments of Ruili's soul located inside of each gynoid, it is possible that he may be able to resurrect her.

(Taoluo and a gynoid he’s given to host her soul)

What I refer to when I mention the misogyny in this game (title is a joke btw I don’t think Urobuchi is sexist LOL) is that the progression of the plot is entirely measured in how much physical or psychological abuse Taoluo witnesses the Ruili gynoids endure-- to the point were actually introduced to the abuse of a Ruili gynoid before we get to see Ruili herself. While there are b-plots, Taoluo only gets closer to his goal by meeting both one of Ruili’s killers and their respective gynoid, and the condition of the latter is used to characterize the former (the game actually uses the abuse of the Ruili gynoids as a framing device to explain details about the abuser, their motives and their life). the Ruili gynoids are the only other female characters in the game, they are also passive recepticles for abuse; they are regularly raped, mutilated, threatened and broken by their owners. They are only minimally receptive to the world around them, only knowing how to take orders, make animal-like noises and exhibit human fear. The version of this game I played was the 15+ rating remake released in 2011, so the descriptions and visuals that accompany this aren’t long or gratuitous (they’re actually depicted quite matter-of-factly before we see the next scene), the plot does however depend on their existence. Taoluo only on one instance expresses concern for the state that he finds a Ruili gynoid in (this is less due to any apathy he has towards his sister enduring abuse and moreso because he believes that he can literally fix her by saving her soul), so the weight that all this abuse should have in a rape-revenge story just isn’t there. Ruili’s pain (at least, at the beginning) is a plot device intended to drive the emotional core of the story forward, without really having the momentum to do so. To be clear as well, I’m not deeply offended by this (its not even the worst offender I’ve seen in this genre), I merely find it pronounced enough that it sticks out oddly.

(the Ruili gynoids, the last 2 are absolutely serving I wish they were in better games)

While Taoluo cares about his sister deeply and possesses a poise that his enemies do not, an important facet to remember about him is that he is a morally grey character. Prior to Ruili's death, he was an assassin himself who was celebrated for the brutal efficiency of his work. He sees his life with Ruili as refuge from the reality of his profession, and consequently places her on a pedestal. Ruili, as Taoluo knows her, is pure, kind, charming, intelligent and ladylike. He lives with her in a bubble far away from the maligned conflicts of the hypermodern society that Taoluo is forced to participate in. The equilibrium he needs to maintain his character is based in the happiness of Ruili and her marriage. Resurrecting Ruili is therefore not simply a matter of getting his sister back, but also retrieving his only beacon of peace and hope. Their flashbacks are even filtered in a sickeningly sweet pink glow that contrasts the damp darkness consisting the main story.

(it’s so gooey that I didn’t realize her hair was actually black and not brown)

Where the game becomes interesting emerges a little over the midway point. Taoluo has done an untold amount of damage to his body in pursuit of Ruili's killers, has slaughtered allies, turned entire industries upside down and has discarded his morals. Only at this point, is he confronted with the thought that the Ruili he resurrects may not be the same as the one he remembers. Besides the trauma that was inflicted upon her prior to her murder, by the start of the story, it has already been a year since her death. The gynoids containing fragments of her soul have been abused continuously by their owners, and there's no guarantee that their pain will dissipate once Ruili is whole again. Will Ruili be traumatized? Will Ruili adopt some of the more lascivious habits of the machines she was inhabiting? Most importantly, this is the only point in the story in which Taoluo acknowledges that he was never truly able to read his sister, despite always being with her. How much does he know her heart, really? Taoluo ruminates about this until his Ruili gynoid (posessing 3/5ths of her soul), attempts to come on to him. He shuts her down immediately (I really want to stress that there aren't any actual H-scenes in this VN in spite of how otherwise explicit it is) and cries, believing that his Ruili may have been defiled to her very core by abuse. Another important piece of context for this scene is that it comes right after a fight where Taoluo is forced to cut down an enemy that symbolically represents both who he was prior to Ruili's death, and the simplicity of his past relationship with his sister.

(comparison of how Taoluo cherishes a docile fragment of Ruili’s soul vs his discomfort with 3/5ths of her person acting autonomously)

(Taoluo stating that shutting down gynoid Ruili would feel akin to killing her.....before he does when she starts acting un-Ruili like)

When Taoluo hobbles into his confrontation with Haojun, the latter curbstomps him upfront with 0 issue. Taoluo has more or less exhausted himself over the course of the game, but is willing to risk complete destruction to see Ruili. With Taoluo downed emotionally and physically, Haojun reveals the plot twist: Ruili was the one who orchestrated her own rape, murder and the splitting of her soul. Haojun explains that Ruili was in love with Taoluo, and that it crushed her to the point of absolute despair to continue to pretend to be his perfect platonic sister while he seemed to only be drifting away from her. The details around the rape are a bit convoluted as the rapists seem to view what they did as straightforwardly nonconsensual, while Ruili views it more as a humiliation of the saddened proper ladylike person she was(??they emphasize she was smiling? I think it’s to imply that there’s more to her than Taoluo assumed). She would rather experience destruction than have him not reciprocate her feelings. Haojun states that Ruili wanted to split her soul over many bodies so Taoluo would need to go to great lengths, pushing himself physically to the brink, forgoing all he valued and feeling the utmost despair, just to save her. She wanted to see her pained longing for him reflected in his pursuit of her. The narrative absolutely whips Taoluo for not just failing to reciprocate her feelings or for letting her fall into despair, but also for failing to know her beyond her polite superficialities. Haojun agreed to go along with Ruili's plan because he loved her, and only wanted to see her happy (I will completely vouch that he is a full on wife guy to his core, all of his interactions with the Ruili gynoids are dripping with nothing but kindness and I think it’s kind of sweet). Haojun does acknowledge that he has gone insane, but it's not framed as Ruili corrupting him with her feelings as it is instead used to punctuate the the extent of her despair (and consequently his, as he expresses anger at Taoluo for not taking responsibility and reciprocating his sister's feelings. yes this is the actual text. thanks nitroplus.). Haojun and Taoluo kill eachother (Haojun cursing Taoluo with his last breath while Taoluo states that he’s exhausted and just wants to be with his sister), Ruili collects the last of her soul, and is effectively revived.

(Taoluo speedrunning the madonna-whore complex while Haojun is a hater)

To most people, the above paragraph would read as profoundly stupid (understandably so, not just for the bizarrely flippant approach to sexual assault, the incest and the unnecessarily complex way of dealing with potential rejection, but also for the fact it's two men that spell out a female character's dimensionality). What rehabilitates this scene for me a bit, however, is how the final chapter proceeds.

(Ruili, revived, talking about her brother)

Ruili, now fully herself, returns to the scientist, Xie, that she had tasked with splitting her soul. They banter for a bit on the nature of identity, and we see Ruili for the mature and mysterious person she is. Xie comments that she is the only person to have undergone a full soul transfer operation, and that she is now functionally immortal. He goes on to insist that it's possible that you can't even categorize her as human anymore, considering how he's not sure how dying, being split up and recombined may have effected her. In an earlier scene, Taoluo compares agreeing to collect pieces of Ruili's soul to revive her using Xie's science as a Faustian arrangement (as he views Xie negatively for agreeing to split up her mind at all), a similar unease is elicited but not -outright- stated as Ruili discusses how she approached Xie with the offer to allow him to continue his highly revered, deeply illegal research on the nature of souls using her body in exchange for him going along with her grim plot (Ruili playing the role of the devil in this case, of course). It’s implied that nobody, not even Haojun who furiously advocated for her right down to the last moments of his life, truly knew her. This epilogue makes Ruili look less emotionally driven and more cunning and insightful than previously thought. If she is the mastermind behind everything, it makes her actually pretty interesting.

Ruili convinces Xie to upload the soul of Taoluo into her own. Taoluo awakens, curious and semi-amnesiatic (not wholly unlike the Ruili gynoids) in a beautifully nostalgic landscape. His mind has been affected just enough by grief and trauma that he's become open and tender, as she wanted him. Ruili and Taoluo's roles have now reversed: She's the one who lives in the outside world and keeps him safe in their idyllic paradise. She is the caregiver, while he is the one who brings her tranquility. He does not need to fight anymore. They embrace, and regardless of what happens next, Ruili has won. I was initially peeved that the first half of the game had very little of Ruili in it despite her being the core of the plot, and while I understand why this was the case now, I still say that I wish this game truncated the revenge aspect and expanded on Taoluo's fragmented relationship with his sister.

While I don't consider Kikokugai to be particularly good (some of it is just straight up not for me), I think it's interesting how this is unambiguously treated as a happy end as opposed to a bittersweet or even sad one. You're not supposed to think of it as grim that Ruili is willing to go through such lengths to get her brother to notice her. She's not vilified for not being the lovely passive woman that her brother assumed she was. The narrative rewards for utilizing the same kind of amoral means that the other characters do to see the romance she wants realized. Throughout the game, you're served scenes of the Ruili gynoids being abused or destroyed by their owners until Tauluo comes in and saves their soul- a process which the game also describes as morbid due to it's visceral destruction of the gynoid's body. while Taoluo was not cruel to his sister in any sense, I liked that both sides invoked different forms of debilitating objectification in order to dictate what Ruili is, and how Ruili taking control of her identity involved the complete and utter obliteration of everything that could possibly imprint expectations upon her. The game does not lean into discussion of gender at all, but the traditional gender roles and expectations embedded in the life Ruili lived are what’s most prominent in how both Taoluo and Haojun thought of her, right down to how they both perceived her betrayal. And both of them are played for fools in the end due to it. the Ruili gynoids being molded into extensions of their masters lines up fascinatingly with this reading as well. I don’t think the full extent of these implications were even considered during the writing process, but the ending is executed in a way that I don’t dislike.

 As Xie said himself: she's no longer human, she's not bound by conventional laws anymore. As someone who exists outside of society, she's free to pursue happiness as she envisions it.

(the last Taoluo sees of the Ruili gynoid as he dies vs what he sees of Ruili when his soul fuses with her resurrected)

evil women swag